I am calling bullshit. On myself. In the very beginning of my time here at Amritabha, I was given the opportunity to use the counseling room for my crystal healing treatments. I thought: „Yeah, it’s time I get back into the swing of things. But not yet. I need clarity first! Maybe I haven’t offered any healing lately because I am unsure of why I am doing this? Yeah, I bet that’s it!“ I thought: „Maybe I need to make brochures, maybe putting into words what it is I’m actually doing will help me get that clarity, and then I’ll suddenly find myself offering treatments again“.
No brochures, no facebook page, no website – clients happy anyway
Two months in, I haven’t handed out a single brochure, my Facebook page is still inactive, and I still haven’t made a crystal healing page on my website (edit: in the process of writing this blog post I actually redid my Facebook page and I created a page for my crystal healing here). All those things I thought I needed to find clarity in order to get back into giving crystal healing. I have been giving treatments however. Some I just offered because I saw that I could do something, some I gave by request. And you know what? Every single client was happy with the result – despite the lack of brochures, Facebook page, subpage on website, and the supposed „lack of clarity“! Like I said: I’m calling bullshit on myself.
Just get going – you can always improve once you got started
The epiphany came this afternoon. I talked to a friend who wanted advice on her own endeavor to put more focus on her work as a healer. We talked about how to go about her website and the whole social media thing. When she asked me what I thought about her ideas, I told her that I could hear that she was a little hesitant, but that it was exactly the way she had put it in the beginning of our conversation: there will always be that doubt, that little bit of reluctance in the beginning. It’s all part of the process, and waiting for the time when that hesitation will have disappeared is fooling yourself. I said that I thought that the best thing to do would be to just go ahead with the website. That the ideas we had come up with this far were good enough to get us started, and that the whole point was just to get going. We could always improve later on.
Done is better than good – The bullshit detector finally went off
It’s so easy to see things focused when it comes to other people. Now that I am writing this, I can’t help but laugh at myself because guess what conclusion I drew from this conversation with my friend? That maybe I needed to get started on her website to help me see more clearly what I wanted for my own! Ha! Right, that’s exactly what I need, one more project to use as an excuse to procrastinate. I don’t know when exactly my bullshit detector finally went off, but at some point I could suddenly see how I was turning everything into an excuse – how I was convinced I wouldn’t be able to work from this desk, how I needed to water the flowers first, how now was not a good time because this wasn’t creating from a natural flow but rushing things because I wanted them too badly … It. Was. All. Bullshit.
Maybe I will not pick the perfect title for the Facebook page this afternoon (edit: I think I did pretty good). Maybe I will not write the perfect text to sell my treatments (edit: pretty happy with that, too). Maybe I do have issues with the price I’m asking, and maybe it’s self-sabotage to be asking it anyway. Maybe I will not choose the perfect picture for the header (edit: don’t care). Maybe.
Everything isn’t up to you – just do your best and trust that it’s enough
The fact is, no matter how I tackle this, at the end of the day it’s not up to me whether someone decides to book my treatments. No matter what title, picture, text or pricing I choose, it will never speak to everybody. But if I don’t do anything at all because I am waiting for that perfect timing, the day I will feel ready to name the price that I in fact know my work is worth, the right whatever, I am not giving a single person the chance to find me. It’s like that joke with the guy that prays to God to win the lottery, and God answers: „I’d like to let you win, but I really need you to buy a ticket“.
So this is me buying a ticket, right here, right now, no more bullshitting myself: I am here for you. I am a crystal healer, and a pretty good one, too. I have written about my kind of crystal healing – check out the links below. You can contact me with any crystal healing questions, and OF COURSE, you can book appointments with me. I am happy to receive you here at the Château Amritabha, which is where I am staying until the end of September.
Want to know more?
If you want to know more about my crystal healing, I did create that site after all.
These are the blog posts I’ve written on crystal healing:
Get in touch with me
Follow Sarine’s Crystal Healing on facebook. That’s the easiest way to get in touch with me, too, for all things crystal healing. Of course, you can also eMail me – sarine.turhede (at) gmx.com.
Accepting your own power is this new moon cycle’s theme here at Amritabha. And it’s really got me going on all levels. It figures, since you can’t accept your power „just a little bit“. Either you’re doing it or you’re not. Daring to accept your power doesn’t mean everything will run smoothly once you made that decision. That’s the challenge: when you dare to do that, it means that you accept entering a situation without being sure of its outcome. Those who dare to do that don’t do it in the spirit of „I know how to do this 100%“. We do it in the spirit of „Maybe I don’t have it all figured out but I’m doing this anyway“.
What if I don’t have it in me?
During my stay here at Amritabha, I scored an amazing writing job. I was stoked. Up until the moment when it was time to finally sit down and get started. I freaked out. What’s worse: my mind just went blank. Yikes! I was admiring this person whom I was supposed to write for so much that I ended up putting myself under a ton of pressure. This just has to turn out GREAT! What if I can’t do it? What if they are wrong about me, and I just don’t have it in me?! Gulp. This. Is. Not.Working.
Ideas don’t come from me – they come through me
Suddenly I remembered: I can do this. That’s why I got this job in the first place. Of course it’s not going to work if I’m panicking. The only thing that does work is this: reminding myself that it’s not actually my mind that has to make all this up. When I write – no; when I write well – it doesn’t come from me. It comes through me. It’s ideas, sentences, thoughts that are floating out there in the space surrounding me, waiting for me to catch them. The only thing I need to do is be aware of it, open myself to the process, and allow myself to become the channel for these ideas and words. It’s simple yet challenging. This approach only requires one single thing of me: unconditional trust in my intuition. The certainty that whatever it is I am perceiving is exactly what wants to be said.
Clearing myself, opening up, being present – I want to live my life the way I give crystal healing
I discovered this technique, this understanding of the creative process, during my crystal healer training with Dauri Neumann. Somehow I just had this trust in myself there. It was easy for me to accept that I couldn’t plan the sessions ahead or prepare them in any other way. The only thing I could do was clear my mind, open up, and be present – to the recipient of the treatment, to the healing that wanted to come through me and the stones, and to the assistance of the divine. That was a very powerful experience, and I thought „I want to live my life the way I give crystal healing“.
This approach comes pretty easy as long as I’m writing for myself. I’m free, don’t have any particular point in mind I want to make, I can just allow myself to see where my writing is going. That copy job had different prerequisites, so my mind started rolling this film like I’ve trained it to do for years: You should know your stuff better! I can’t say anything meaningful until I’ve done more research! You have no idea what you’re doing! So far you’ve always managed to get by but this time they’ll call your bluff! And so on. It was a total blast from the past, the high school and university years. My performance was always excellent, and still I always panicked at some point when writing my papers.
You don’t deliver because of the stress but in spite of it
Back then I thought that this pressure, this stress was the part of the process that made sure I delivered. I think differently now. I did not deliver because of that fear of failure. I delivered in spite of it. The way I see things now, I was afraid because I didn’t know where my thoughts really came from, and why they were good. How could I possibly be sure it would work the next time? For my thoughts didn’t come from my intellect back then, either. They came through it. It was the same principle at work there, even if I wasn’t aware of it: thoughts were buzzing in the air around me and I just caught them. Of course you need to dive into in a topic, do your research. However, if I’d been aware back then of the learning/writing process the way I see it today, I probably would have trusted my instinct with more ease, when it came to determining what was enough information.
The message of listlessness: this isn’t going anywhere
That feeling did exist: it entered the stage as listlessness. I thought I needed to make myself read more (it was never enough!). I often failed at that. That brought on the guilt: You’ve done way too little again! There were few moments where I could acknowledge the thought that I was reluctant towards work because it was not really meaningful. It was only serving one purpose: soothing my conscience, so that I could assure myself I’d done enough.
Accept your doubt just as much as you accept your power – that way you’ll be able to get it done
This look at the past that this writing job granted me was an opportunity to break the spell. Not only do I know now that I want to live my life the way I give crystal healing treatments. I am finally convinced that it’s possible.
How do I prove myself I’m right? Very simple, very challenging: I’m doing it. With my fears, doubts, and my resistance. It helps to remember that all they want to do is play. You can do it anyway.
Open yourself to the wonders that want to come into the world through you
That’s what I mean when I talk about accepting your power: opening up to the wonders that want to come into this world through us (the small ones just as much as the big ones). Trusting that we are provided with everything we need to manifest them. Not to waste our power fighting our doubt but keep trusting. Trusting that our power is sufficient to both manifest our dreams, and carry that doubt.
Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert was a real eye-opener for me when it comes to the creative process. I was especially inspired by Gilbert’s description of how she deals with fears and doubt. It makes it impossible not to love them. According to my not so humble opinion this book is a must-read. Not just for artists but for everyone who wants to live a happy and fulfilled life.