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Spiritual hairdresser Shakandra | Photography | Behind the scenes
Auf deutsch? Bitte nach unten scrollen.
EN – Here is a little behind the scenes from the photo session with spiritual hairdresser Shakandra Weinberg and model Gaelle. I always feel that every photo session is my favorite and my best. And so I do about this one. Some might say despite the fact that the day of the photo session got off to a rocky start.
I say: that was exactly what we needed to get into the flow. Shakandra and I had turned into real idea fountains during the week before the session, and we just kept coming up with so many great ideas. Although I realized that they were far too many to even try out in one day, I could feel how a certain plan had formed in my mind by Friday night. I thought I knew how I wanted to do things, what I wanted to see in the pictures.
Saturday morning, everything was flipped, for a moment it looked like we might not even be able to do this photo session that day at all. And I instantly knew that this was exactly what we needed – to not be able to stick to the plan. I have gotten to know myself well enough by now that I know that my head likes to make plans but that I really work best when I don’t even have the option of following my head. That’s when I am most open to my intuition, and able to create and follow flow. As a photographer but in life in general, really. So when I heard that we might not be able to go ahead as scheduled, ideas immediately started coming to me of how we could use the time instead (like I said: we’d had far too many ideas for one day). I started setting up for something different – and suddenly we were able to proceed.
I could feel how the three of us – Shakandra, Gaelle, and I – each got into our flow, and how that created something much bigger and better than any plan ever could have. This is not to say that forming a plan was redundant. I actually saw quite a lot of the pictures turn out the way I had imagined them. They just came about naturally. So I am by all means pro prepping. And then letting go.
The radiant Shakandra. Sometimes the first pictures are best. It’s those magical words: „Relax, these one’s don’t count yet.“ 
Model Gaelle getting comfy in the hair temple. 
I love when my I get to use props that are actually mean something to my clients. Like this mirror that Shakandra got from her grandmother. 
It’s all about the hair, so the feet don’t need to make a fashion statement today. Not that wool socks aren’t a great fashion statement! 
Some (read: I) might argue that Xantor had the most important job that day – he made us lunch and fed us delicious cake. #dreamteamwork 
It’s a wrap. DE – Hier ein kleiner Blick hinter die Kulissen der Fotosession mit der spirituellen Friseurin Shakandra Weinberg. Ich habe immer das Gefühl, dass jede Fotosession meine liebste und beste ist. So auch diesmal. Manche würden sagen, obwohl der Tag einen holprigen Start hatte.
Ich sage: Das war genau das, was wir brauchten, um in den Fluss zu kommen. Shakandra und ich waren in der Woche vor der Sitzung zu echten Ideenfontänen geworden, uns kamen immer mehr und tollere Ideen. Obwohl ich merkte, dass es viel zu viele waren, um es an einem Tag auszuprobieren, spürte ich, wie sich bis Freitagabend ein bestimmter Plan in meinem Kopf gebildet hatte. Ich dachte, ich wüsste, wie ich Dinge machen wollte, was ich auf den Bildern sehen wollte.
Samstag Morgen kam alles anders, für einen Moment sah es so aus, als könnten wir diese Fotosession an diesem Tag überhaupt nicht machen. Und ich wusste sofort, dass dies genau das ist, was wir brauchten – um nicht im Plan verhaften zu bleiben. Ich habe mich mittlerweile gut genug kennengelernt, dass ich weiß, dass mein Kopf gerne plant, dass ich aber am besten arbeite, wenn ich nicht einmal die Möglichkeit habe, meinem Kopf zu folgen. Dann bin ich ganz für meine Intuition offen und in der Lage, Flow zu erzeugen und ihm zu folgen. Als Fotografin, aber im Leben überhaupt. Als ich hörte, dass wir vielleicht nicht wie geplant loslegen würden, kamen mir sofort andere Ideen, wie wir die Zeit stattdessen nutzen könnten (wie gesagt: wir hatten sowieso viel zu viele Ideen für einen Tag). Ich begann mich auf etwas anderes einzustellen – und plötzlich konnten wir anfangen.
Ich konnte fühlen, wie wir drei – Shakandra, Model Gaelle und ich – in unseren Flow kamen, und wie das etwas viel Größeres und Besseres hervorbrachte, als irgendein Plan je hätte erzeugen können. Das soll nicht heißen, dass ich das Planen für überflüssig halte. Ich habe tatsächlich festgestellt, dass viele der Bilder genau so aussehen, wie ich sie mir vorgestellt hatte. Sie sind einfach auf natürliche Weise entstanden. Also ich bin auf jeden Fall pro Planung. Planen und dann loslassen – dann wird’s wunderschön.
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Über Vorstellungskraft
Manchmal wünsche ich mir Dinge, und mir wird erst später bewusst, was dieser Wunsch eigentlich bedeutet. Ich werde mir dessen bewusst, wenn ich seine Erfüllung erfahre.
Wie jetzt auf dieser Reise: Ich erlebe ständig, dass sich meine Wünsche erfüllen, und wie ihre Erfüllung sich in gewisser Weise von dem unterscheidet, was ich mir vorgestellt habe, und gleichzeitig genau das ist, was ich mir gewünscht habe.
Das Baumhaus der Erkenntnis
Ich hatte heute einen solchen Moment, als Friedas Verlobter Jason mir die Entstehungsgeschichte seines Baumhauses erzählte. Ich erinnerte mich plötzlich daran, wie ich vor meiner Reise eine Art Wunschliste geschrieben hatte, mit Orten, die ich besuchen wollte, was ich sehen und erleben wollte. Auf dieser Wunschliste stand ein Baumhaus, eines von einer ganz bestimmten Person, deshalb erkannte ich dieses Baumhaus nicht sofort als das Baumhaus von meiner Wunschliste. Aber als ich hörte, wie Jason über sein Baumhaus sprach und erkannte, wie gut durchdacht jedes Detail daran ist, dass dies wirklich die Manifestation einer großen Vision ist, erinnerte ich mich plötzlich daran, dass ich das Baumhaus auf meiner Wunschliste genau so so wahrgenommen hatte. Mir ging auf, dass mich eben das so fasziniert hatte, dass es der Grund, warum ich unbedingt dieses besondere Baumhaus sehen wollte. In diesem Sinne wurde mir mein Wunsch erfüllt, auch wenn ich nicht dieses Baumhaus sah und nicht die Erbauerin aus meiner Visualisierung traf.
Wir bekommen was wir uns vorstellen
Meiner Erfahrung nach funktionieren Wunsch und Visualisierung genau so: Wir bekommen buchstäblich das, was wir uns wünschen, was wir uns vorstellen. Nicht buchstäblich in dem Sinne, dass es in Übereinstimmung mit den Worten ist, die wir verwenden, sondern etwas, das dem Gefühl entspricht, das die Visualisierung in uns hervorruft. Deshalb brauche ich manchmal eine Weile, um zu erkennen, dass das, was ich gerade erlebe, genau das ist, was ich mir gewünscht habe.
So ist es bei jeder Station meiner Reise bisher gewesen – nach außen sahen sie alle anders aus als ich es mir vorher vorgestellt hatte, aber das Gefühl war das gleiche wie in meinen Visualisierungen. Je detaillierter ich mir vorstellte, was ich wollte, desto stärker war die Ähnlichkeit.
Seit ich das verstanden habe, überprüfe ich manchmal in Gedanken, was aus den Dingen geworden ist, die ich mir vorgestellt und gewünscht habe. Und ich bin zu diesem Zeitpunkt erstaunt darüber, dass es immer weniger Zeit braucht, bis meine visualisierten Wünsche wahr werden – und dass jede Abweichung von dem, was ich wirklich will, immer daran liegt, dass ich ein Detail in der Visualisierung oder der Beschreibung meines Wunsches versäumt habe.
Es ist unsere eingeschränkte Sicht, die uns daran hindert zu sehen, dass alles in Übereinstimmung mit dem großen Ganzen ist
Gleichzeitig kann ich sehen, dass hier auch eine tiefere Weisheit am Werk ist. Auch wenn die Abweichungen mich für einen Moment enttäuschen, wenn ich merke: „Oh, ich habe vergessen, das genau zu sagen, deshalb ist es so geworden“, stellt sich immer heraus, dass die Art und Weise, wie sich die Dinge entwickeln, genau richtig ist. Dass sie in Übereinstimmung mit dem Gesamtbild sind. Dass es nur meine beschränkte Perspektive aus dem Augenblick heraus ist, die mich daran hindert, das zu sehen.
Tue ich das Richtige?
Ich habe mir früher viel mehr Gedanken darüber gemacht, ob ich „das Richtige“ mache. Ich hatte ständig das Gefühl, dass ich mein Potenzial nicht ausschöpfte, dass ich etwas falsch machte, weil ich nicht besser war als ich war. Als ich begriffen habe, dass es ein größeres Bild gibt, dass wir mit einem bestimmten Plan in unser Leben kommen, und dass, auch wenn es Spielraum für Variationen in den Details gibt, es nicht möglich ist, in dem Sinne „zu versagen“, dass wir unseren Plan nicht erfüllen. Als ich das begriff, tröstete ich mich „Entweder war es richtig oder nicht so wichtig“, wenn ich mir mal wieder Sorgen machte, „das Falsche“ zu tun.
Was, wenn unsere „verzeihlichen Fehler“ nichtmal Fehler sind?
Auch darüber bin ich mir jetzt nicht mehr so sicher. Was, wenn es noch besser ist? Was, wenn die Dinge, die ich für verzeihliche Fehler gehalten habe, nicht einmal Fehler sind? Was ist, wenn alles genau so ist, wie es richtig ist – und zwar ständig? Was, wenn es nur meine eingeschränkte Sicht auf Dinge ist, die mich daran hindert, das zu sehen und ich mir deshalb einbilde, etwas ginge schief? Denn ich erlebe mehr und mehr, dass mein Leben, wie es sich gestaltet, genau richtig ist, selbst wenn ich beim Wünschen und Visualisieren meiner Zukunft bestimmte Details vergesse. Dass alles, was ich erlebe und erhalte erweist sich stets als genau das, was ich in Bezug auf das große Ganze brauche.
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On wishing and visualizing
Sometimes I make a wish, and I only become aware later of what that wish actually meant. I become aware of it when I experience its fulfillment.
Like now on this trip: I keep seeing my wishes getting fulfilled constantly, and how in a way their fulfillment is different from what I had thought yet at the same time exactly what I wished for.
The tree house epiphany
I had a moment like that today when Frida’s fiancé Jason told me the story behind his tree house. I suddenly remembered how I had written a sort of wish list before I started my journey, places I wanted to go, what I wanted to see and experience. There was a tree house on that wish list, one by a very specific person, so that’s why I didn’t recognize this one at once as the tree house from my wish list. But as I heard Jason speak about his tree house, and realized how well thought out every single detail about it really is, that this is truly the manifestation of a great vision, I suddenly remembered that that was how I had perceived the tree house on my wish list. I saw that that was what had fascinated me, and had been the reason I wanted to see that particular tree house. In that sense my wish had been granted, even though I didn’t end up seeing that specific tree house or meet that specific builder from my visualization.
You get what you imagine
In my experience that’s how wishing and visualization works: you literally get what you wish for, what you imagine. Not literally in the sense that it is in accordance with the words you use but something that corresponds with the feeling your visualization evokes in you. That’s why it sometimes takes me a while to realize that what I am experiencing is exactly what I wished for.
It’s been like this with every stop of my trip so far – on the outside they all may have looked differently from what I’d envisioned beforehand, but the feel was the same as in my visualizations. The more detailed I imagined what I wanted, the stronger the resemblance.
Ever since I understood this, I sometimes check in to see what happened to the things I imagined and wished for. And I am at this point amazed at how it takes less and less time for my visualized wishes to become true – and that any deviation from what I really want is always due to me missing a detail in the visualization or the description of my wish.
It’s our limited view that keeps us from seeing that things are in alignment with the big picture
At the same time I can see how there is a deeper wisdom at work here, too. That even though the deviations might disappoint me for a moment when I realize, „Oh, I forgot to be specific about this, so that’s why it turned out like that“ it always turns out that the way things do pan out is exactly right, that it is in alignment with the big picture. That it’s just my restricted perspective at the time that keeps me from seeing that.
Doing the right thing?
I used to worry a lot more about whether I was doing „the right“ thing. I constantly felt like I wasn’t living up to my potential, that I was doing something wrong for not being better than I was. When I came to understand that there is that bigger picture, that we come into our lives with a certain plan, and that even though there is room for variations on the details, it’s not possible to „fail“ in the sense that we don’t do what we’re here to do. So then when I started worrying I comforted myself that „Either you did the right thing or it didn’t matter that much“.
What if our „forgivable mistakes“ are not even mistakes?
I am not so sure about that notion anymore now either. What if it’s even better than that? What if the things I have taken for forgivable mistakes aren’t even mistakes, either? What if everything is exactly as it is supposed to – all the time? What if it’s only my limited view of things that keeps me from seeing that? For I am experiencing more and more how, even though, yes, I do forget to consider certain details when I wish for things or imagine my future, it always turns out to be exactly what I need when taking a look at the larger scheme of things.
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Hastings, New Zealand | Photo journal
EN – This is what it looks like at Frida’s & Jason’s. Frida is a friend I met when I lived in Sundsvall, Sweden. We worked together for two summers, then she went to travel and work in New Zealand, and then she didn’t come back. I can kinda see why.
DE – So sieht es hier bei Frida und Jason in Hastings aus. Frida ist eine Freundin, die ich in Sundsvall kennen gelernt habe. Wir haben zwei Sommer lang zusammen gearbeitet, dann ist sie mit einem Travel and Work Visum nach Neu Seeland gegangen – und dann kam sie einfach nicht zurück. Kann’s irgendwie verstehen.
SE – Såhär ser det ut hos Frida och Jason. Frida är en väninna jag träffade i Sundsvall. Vi jobbade ihop under två somrar, sedan åkte hon till Nya Seland för travel and work, och sedan kom hon helt enkelt inte tillbaka. Jag kan liksom förstå henne.
Archie (short for Archibald Ragnar) doing what he does best: being adorable. 
Baxter 
Frida got a set of the Swedish game kubb. To the right: Frida’s friend Ann Sofi from sweden. 
Yours truly, enjoying the garden. 
Jason built a tree house. A pretty cool one, too. 
Cheers to the universe! 
Frida and Ann-Sofi, making Swedish lussebullar (saffron buns). 
Frida turning 30. 
Archie loves his swimming lessons. I got to watch and take pictures. 
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Tadaah! – Get your very own personalized crystal oracle
Ok everybody, this is it – I have reached the point where I admitted to myself that spending more hours trying to create the perfect banner for my etsy shop would just be plain old procrastination. „Perfect“ lives in Nevererverland, at least when it comes to looks.
It’s really time to allow myself to share with you what is deeper than the perfect look, something I am very proud of as it is today: my personalized crystal readings. I have been doing them for myself for a while now, and sharing them on Instagram as @sarinescrystaloracle. Very excited to be doing them for you (or someone special to you) personally now!
So without further ado, here it is!
A part of me cringes at the idea of adding a phrase that’s meant to encourage you to buy this as a Christmas gift. But dangit, I do love getting and giving Christmas presents, and I can’t think of anything more fun AND useful than the gift of self-discovery. So if I weren’t doing these oracles myself, I’d be my own best customer, haha.
Joy to the world!
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Releasing blockages, activating potentials | Crystal healing
Releasing mental and physical blockages with the help of crystals
Crystals are highly effective tools for getting in touch with the subconscious. More specifically, we can use crystals to send orders to our subconscious, which means we can use them to release mental and physical blockages.
Conversely, crystals are also a great way for us to access information that we carry in our bodies and our subconscious. Thus we can use crystals to learn about our higher self, our true nature.
Crystals as tools in our personal development – Open up the space for your potential
Crystals are excellent tools when it comes to personal development. They give us access to information about the potential that lies within us. Qualities and abilities that are not active at the moment or at least not yet fully blossoming, but that we still carry within.
Releasing blockades, awaking our potential – these two processes actually go hand in hand. Because wherever we overcome a blockade, a space opens up that wants to be filled with something new: with our potentials that want to be lived.
As a crystal healer, I support you on your path of self-healing, and the unveiling of your potential. Find out more about how I can help you here.
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Lösa mentala och fysiska blockader med hjälp av kristaller
Kristaller är otroligt effektiva verktyg för att komma i kontakt med det undermedvetna. Närmare sagt kan vi använda kristaller för att ge uppdrag åt vårt undermedvetna, vilket innebär att vi kan använda dem för att lösa mentala och fysiska blockeringar.
Åt andra hållet är kristaller även lämpliga för att få tillgång till information som vi bär i våra kroppar och vårt undermedvetna. Vi kan alltså använda kristaller för att få insikter om vårt högre jag, vår sanna natur.
Kristaller som verktyg inom personlig utveckling – Ge utrymme åt ditt potential
Kristaller är utmärkta verktyg när det gäller vår personlig utveckling. De ger oss tillgång till information om den potential som vilar i oss. Dvs egenskaper och förmågor som inte är aktiva än eller blommar åtminstone ännu inte till fullo, men som vi ändå bär inom oss.
Lösa upp blockeringar, uppliva potential – dessa två processer går faktiskt hand i hand. För var vi än löser en blockering skapas ett utrymme som fylls med något nytt: med våra potentialer som vill levas.
Som kristallhelare stöder jag dig på din självläkningsväg och din personlig utveckling av dina potentialer. Mer detaljerad information om hur jag kan hjälpa dig hittar du här.
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7 things about me | The VBA Part 3
So this is me jumping through the final hoop of the Versatile Blogger Award, according to which I am supposed to „tell the person who nominated you 7 things about yourself“. Katey, since this one’s for you, I am responding to a couple of things you said about yourself in your post:
- I cannot keep things short, which you probably have figured out by now, watching me turn this VBA thing into a three post series.
- I, too, love to travel, which I am doing right now. Your home country New Zealand is actually up next after Oz.
- I have been blogging on and off since I was 18. I used to delete my old blogs, though, when I started over. Don’t feel the need to erase the past anymore, although I don’t feel the need to relive it, either. I think it’s good that it is where it is. In my life but, well, in the past.
- I know the feeling of being in situations that require you to be more social than you feel comfortably with. For me it really depends on the situation and the people. I think I am naturally best at expressing myself in writing. When it comes to talking, it’s easier for me when I only have one person in front of me. For me realizing that what we all want most is being seen was really a helpful epiphany. Because suddenly I realized that not all situations require me to be that extrovert I thought I should be. They mostly require me to do what I am good at and more comfortable with anyway: listen to the person in front of me.
- I totally get the love/hate relationship when it comes to technology, especially social media. I’ve come to realize that how I use it makes all the difference. I have come to terms with the fact that I have different phases: sometimes I am more interested in producing content rather than reading what others have to say. Sometimes, when I do want inspiration, I find it there. Then there’s that tricky stage where I am about to dive into something new but seeing other people doing their thing just makes me envious. I have come to appreciate that envy, because I believe it’s pointing me to what I would like to do but am denying myself. Right now I am discovering the aspect of using social media to actually connect with others. Curious to see where that will lead … I thought this was pretty cool, seeing what an effect you had on me with your nomination, even though we’ve never met. Thanks for reaching out!
- I love homemade ice-cream so much that I find it worth mentioning on here. I love peanut butter just as much. I am in this small town right now where the organic food store actually has peanut butter ice-cream that they seem to be making themselves!
- I am going to count number 6 as two items, just so that I can wrap this up now and go get some of that ice-cream before I start packing my stuff to go to Melbourne tomorrow. Oops, I guess there’s my number 7: this is a scheduled post, which I normally don’t like. But sometimes we just have to succumb to the reality of things, right? That it’s probably a little over-kill to post three blogs on this VBA thing in one day.
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15 bloggers who inspire me | The VBA Part 2
„Honor those bloggers who bring something special to your life whether every day or only now and then.“ – I like that.
I thought I’d write a little about each of the 15 bloggers I chose because I want you to know what it is that I appreciate about them. That is not part of the VBA rules, and I now that I’ve done this I can see why: it’s very time-consuming. It’s taken me almost a week now to finish this post because even just writing a few lines about each blogger means I need to pinpoint what it is I love about these people. It felt like an important part of the process though (possibly even the most important one), so I guess it was worth the time. So here they are, in no particular order:
- Yolanda Bertaud from ByzantineFlowers – I love diy stuff, especially when it’s about health. I can’t count the times I made the coffee scrub. It’s addictive (in the best way!) and a great gift.
- Angela from Angie & James Do Stuff – Travel and food, two of the great loves of my life. This gluten-free chocolate cake is one of my all time favorites, especially during the wintertime.
- Kristie Wolf from Tiny House On The Prairie – It seems this lady is more active on Instagram and Facebook these days than on her blog. But I chose Kristie anyway because what she’s doing is just so amazing. I think she’s done four tiny houses now plus a wedding venue. I would especially love to check out the tiny tree house on Hawaii, and the Crystal Peak Lookout (and not just because I’m a crystal healer).
- The Dervaes Family from The Urban Homestead – When my ex-husband and I bought our house, I remember thinking that it was too little land. Then I came across The Urban Homestead and their film Homegrown Revolution, and that made me realize that it’s about what you make from what you get. Also, I had no idea what I was talking about at the time. We were totally overwhelmed by the „too small“ garden the first year(s). Don’t currently have my own garden but I still like to follow the Urban Homestead.
- Maria Österåker from Lev mer på mindre – A Finnish blog (in Swedish). Also a blog that I came across during my years on the Swedish country-side. It’s where I found the best diy for making your own deodorant ever.
- Rania Rönntoft from Rowan Tree. – Whenever I miss Sweden (and that does happen), and especially the Sundsvall area where I spent the past few years, this is my go-to blog. Lots of beautiful pictures which I’m sure you can appreciate even when you don’t understand Swedish.
- My mentor Irka Schmuck writes a blog on her homepage, and of course I think she’s inspirational – that’s why I chose her to coach me when I decided to start my own business. The blog’s in German. I recommend it to anyone who is interested in personal growth, especially when it comes to living in abundance. (Note: This is not an affiliate link or anything like that. I chose Irka because how could I not!?)
- Sina Nanasi is another source of inspiration to me when it comes to personal growth. Sina’s focus is on working with the inner child, so that’s what her blog (also in German) is about. It seems like the possibilities are endless these days when it comes to workshops and seminars in the field of personal and spiritual development. And that’s a good thing, in my opinion! Still, I’m picky. For a person who is so hugely interested in their personal growth, I go to very little workshops on the subject. I did go to Sina’s Inner Child Workshop (also in German), and it was full of revelations for me. (Again, this is not an affiliate link, either. I just can’t think of anyone who would not benefit from her Inner Child seminar.)
- Heather Baird from Sprinkle Bakes – Pastries and art, a very good combo. I discovered Heather when I came across her first recipe book, SprinkleBakes at the library. That was the first time I saw a cook book this fun and colorful – it appealed to my inner child and the artist in me (the two are pretty inseparable, really).
- Kristen Kay, Las Vegas Wedding Photographer. I’s not so much the weddings but the way Kristen captures the desert that I am interested in. When I was 17 I spent a year as an exchange student in a small town outside Las Vegas, and I still love the nature there and long for it from time to time. I know, it’s not the first thing you think of when you hear Vegas, and I think I can even hear some of you say „What nature!?“. So Kristen is my go-to girl whenever I miss the Mojave desert.
- Justina Blakeney from The Jungalow. I discovered The Jungalow on Instagram.If I could, that’s where I’d live. In Justina’s Instagram. 🙂 I don’t think I need to explain what I love here, the pictures speak for themselves. Like, loud and joyfully.
- Erin Benzakein from Floret Flowers. Another source of inspiration I found via Instagram. Maybe I could divvy up my time and partly live in The Jungalow, and partly on Erin’s Instagram feed … This is all my inner child dreaming out loud. Again, the pictures pretty much say it all, I feel no need to explain why I find Erin inspirational. Maybe I should add though, that Sarine means „The one who feeds the flowers of God“ …
- Rachel Brathen aka Yoga Girl. Rachel has definitely been one of my biggest sources of inspiration over the past years. I didn’t fall for her immediately, you can read about all the whys and hows and what changed my mind here. It’s her honesty about how she deals with life that inspires me. She’s one of those people that don’t make me go „Oh, I wish I was her“ but a constant reminder that „Oh, that’s right, I want to be myself more“.
- Kate Bingaman-Burt. I love her drawings, the style is so fun and playful, and it definitely inspires my own drawing. When I cleared out my stuff in order to start my traveling, her art prints where among the objects that meant the most to me. I am not very attached to stuff, but when I am, I always make sure that I know those things go to someone I know will appreciate them and give them a good home. So my KBB prints are with my sister now.
- Anja from Woodlights Woudlicht. I lovelove Anja’s beautiful and delicate crystal grids, and her poems that go with them. I love when healing and art come together like that. Seeing Anja’s crystal grids on Instagram made me want to find my way to combine my being a crystal healer with my artistic side. Thank you Anja for inspiring me to become Sarine’s Crystal Oracle.
I know there’s probably not much point in picking those really large accounts for an award like this, and part of me thinks I should have picked more people who would actually respond to the nomination, and also, that it would be nicer to pick those who have just begun to encourage them. But in the end, I did want to be true and pick those who bring joy to my everyday life, regardless of their size, and the likelihood of them responding to this. There are obviously a lot more people who inspire me, not all of them have a blog, and not all of them are on social media.
Doing this nominating thing made me aware that there’s this part of me that feels guilty, that wants to please everybody, and that wonders whether I hurt anybody’s feelings by not picking them … I guess this is where I come full circle, back to the issue I addressed in my first blog post on the VBA. If we feel unseen, or we do things because we’re seeking others validation, it’s really us who are not appreciating our own worth. When we do, others will follow.
OMG, I can’t believe this has turned into such a big thing. I still have one more hoop to jump through, which is telling Katey 7 things about me. I think I am going to make that a third (!?) post.
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On being needy and recognizing our needs | The VBA Part 1
Something very nice happened to me: I was nominated for the Versatile Blogger Award, by Katey from femenish.com. It’s a little funny because the other day when I checked out her blog, I saw that she had written a post on having been nominated for a blogging award, and how it was such a pleasant surprise for her, since she’d only been blogging for a month. That triggered me because I have been blogging for four years (on and off, but still) and I have never been nominated for anything! So I kind of just shut my computer before I even finished reading that post. If I had continued reading, I would have seen that Kat had nominated me.
I thought, „Oh, this is just your insatiable need for others‘ validation when you should be the one appreciating your own worth. Work on that instead of hoping that someone else will come along and tell you how wonderful you are.“ And I do believe that’s true, others‘ approval will never fill our need to feel good about ourselves and what we do, if we can’t also feel that within ourselves. But here’s the thing: I have a tendency to dismiss entire concepts pretty hastily when there’s really only bits that need adjusting.
When I received a message from Katey telling me that she’d nominated me, of course that made me happy, but I was still feeling conflicted about this. Part of me was going „These type of blogger awards are dumb, it’s just people telling other people how great they are in hopes of having others tell them how great they are. That’s what’s so annoying about social media, so little of what is shared is genuine appreciation or shared from wanting to inspire or be of service, most of it is just a cry for approval from others“.
Accepting that you need others, and that others do want to support you is a greater experience than trying to play the lone wolf
Usually that’s where I close that topic but that day a new voice spoke up, and suddenly the conversation in my head took on a different spin:
„People cheering others on, and wanting others to cheer them on – what is so dumb about that? It’s really wonderful actually because, guess what, if you’re waiting for the day where you become this island, where you don’t need anybody else anymore, nobody’s opinion affects you, you’re fully self-sufficient, that day will never come. And besides, why would you even want that? Being needy is part of the human experience, and yes, it’s great to be aware that others can’t fill the hole of low self-esteem, but whatever happened to kindness towards yourself? Maybe accepting your neediness and appreciating that others encouragement means something to you, and that it exists, maybe that is a much greater experience than that lone wolf thing you’ve been trying to pull off.“Suddenly I could understand why the neediness I so often observed on social media had bothered me so much (and also: why I was seeing it everywhere). It was my own neediness, or rather: my rejection of the fact that I, too, need other people’s support and encouragement.
We can’t dump our issues on others but if we are willing to deal with them ourselves, there are ways for others to support us
I believe that it takes both: we can’t just take our baggage and dump it on somebody. That always backfires, either immediately when we are disappointed that we didn’t get the reaction we hoped for or in the long run. If we find someone who is willing to take our crap and bear it for us, we will eventually be forced to deal with guilt and a sense of powerlessness. But if we are willing to do the work it takes to deal with our own issues, then there are ways for others to genuinely support us. If we turn to others, not blackmailing them emotionally to save us but rather communicating honestly what we’re dealing with, that gives others a chance to be there for us, not as the hostage of our emotions but as our witness.
Being your own witness is the first and most important step. I also know that sometimes it’s not enough for me to see my own mess. I need for at least one friend (or a friendly person) to see it, too. Not to do anything about it – just seeing it, that is all the doing it takes. I don’t think we can or should get rid of that need. It’s usually the attempt to do so that turns us into that annoying needy person. The emotions we’re trying to bottle up (so that we don’t burden others) are forcing their way out and blow up in someones face. And sometimes we have to be ok with that, too.
Here’s to cheering each other on, and here’s to witnessing ourselves and others in all our glory and all our mess. Here’s to knowing that we need each other and knowing that we also have something to offer each other.
Thank you, Katey, for cheering me on with this nomination!
That’s rule #1 btw: when you’re nominated for the Versatile Blogger Award, thank the person who nominated you. In the spirit of keeping things a little not so extremely long anymore, I divvied up this blog post on the VBA. So, if you want to know what this award is about, which 15 bloggers inspire me (that’s rule #2 btw), and which 7 things I want Katey to know about me (rule #3), I have two more posts coming up on each of those. I can hardly believe that this turned into such a big thing but it did! It took me several days just to write the post about which bloggers inspire me. My own „fault“ since I wanted to write a little about what inspires me about them – now I know why that’s not in the rules. It’s extremely time-consuming! But I this was the most important part to me, so no regrets for making that time.
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