Auf deutsch? Bitte nach unten scrollen.
EN – Here is a little behind the scenes from the photo session with spiritual hairdresser Shakandra Weinberg and model Gaelle. I always feel that every photo session is my favorite and my best. And so I do about this one. Some might say despite the fact that the day of the photo session got off to a rocky start.
I say: that was exactly what we needed to get into the flow. Shakandra and I had turned into real idea fountains during the week before the session, and we just kept coming up with so many great ideas. Although I realized that they were far too many to even try out in one day, I could feel how a certain plan had formed in my mind by Friday night. I thought I knew how I wanted to do things, what I wanted to see in the pictures.
Saturday morning, everything was flipped, for a moment it looked like we might not even be able to do this photo session that day at all. And I instantly knew that this was exactly what we needed – to not be able to stick to the plan. I have gotten to know myself well enough by now that I know that my head likes to make plans but that I really work best when I don’t even have the option of following my head. That’s when I am most open to my intuition, and able to create and follow flow. As a photographer but in life in general, really. So when I heard that we might not be able to go ahead as scheduled, ideas immediately started coming to me of how we could use the time instead (like I said: we’d had far too many ideas for one day). I started setting up for something different – and suddenly we were able to proceed.
I could feel how the three of us – Shakandra, Gaelle, and I – each got into our flow, and how that created something much bigger and better than any plan ever could have. This is not to say that forming a plan was redundant. I actually saw quite a lot of the pictures turn out the way I had imagined them. They just came about naturally. So I am by all means pro prepping. And then letting go.
DE – Hier ein kleiner Blick hinter die Kulissen der Fotosession mit der spirituellen Friseurin Shakandra Weinberg. Ich habe immer das Gefühl, dass jede Fotosession meine liebste und beste ist. So auch diesmal. Manche würden sagen, obwohl der Tag einen holprigen Start hatte.
Ich sage: Das war genau das, was wir brauchten, um in den Fluss zu kommen. Shakandra und ich waren in der Woche vor der Sitzung zu echten Ideenfontänen geworden, uns kamen immer mehr und tollere Ideen. Obwohl ich merkte, dass es viel zu viele waren, um es an einem Tag auszuprobieren, spürte ich, wie sich bis Freitagabend ein bestimmter Plan in meinem Kopf gebildet hatte. Ich dachte, ich wüsste, wie ich Dinge machen wollte, was ich auf den Bildern sehen wollte.
Samstag Morgen kam alles anders, für einen Moment sah es so aus, als könnten wir diese Fotosession an diesem Tag überhaupt nicht machen. Und ich wusste sofort, dass dies genau das ist, was wir brauchten – um nicht im Plan verhaften zu bleiben. Ich habe mich mittlerweile gut genug kennengelernt, dass ich weiß, dass mein Kopf gerne plant, dass ich aber am besten arbeite, wenn ich nicht einmal die Möglichkeit habe, meinem Kopf zu folgen. Dann bin ich ganz für meine Intuition offen und in der Lage, Flow zu erzeugen und ihm zu folgen. Als Fotografin, aber im Leben überhaupt. Als ich hörte, dass wir vielleicht nicht wie geplant loslegen würden, kamen mir sofort andere Ideen, wie wir die Zeit stattdessen nutzen könnten (wie gesagt: wir hatten sowieso viel zu viele Ideen für einen Tag). Ich begann mich auf etwas anderes einzustellen – und plötzlich konnten wir anfangen.
Ich konnte fühlen, wie wir drei – Shakandra, Model Gaelle und ich – in unseren Flow kamen, und wie das etwas viel Größeres und Besseres hervorbrachte, als irgendein Plan je hätte erzeugen können. Das soll nicht heißen, dass ich das Planen für überflüssig halte. Ich habe tatsächlich festgestellt, dass viele der Bilder genau so aussehen, wie ich sie mir vorgestellt hatte. Sie sind einfach auf natürliche Weise entstanden. Also ich bin auf jeden Fall pro Planung. Planen und dann loslassen – dann wird’s wunderschön.
I am writing again. Journaling, letters, something that could turn into a novel – and here. All thanks to Julia Cameron’s The Right To Write – or thanks to my friend A., who lent me TRTW? Or thanks to the book launch of another friend that made me want to write again? Or maybe thanks to everyone and everything at once. Either way, I am grateful.
Where to pick up again after such a long absence? How about here and now…ish.
It has been quiet around here, I know. I think our slow internet connection at home is the main reason, but also I went through a rough patch where I didn’t feel like I had anything to share here. Things have turned around faster than I could have imagined, and I am feeling inspired and determined to breathe some life back into this blog.
We finally finished building our greenhouse last week (no pix yet), and sowed a bunch of vegetables on the patch of land Peter has been preparing – with more help from his family than from me, ehem. I blame the long office days due to the commute … so, thanks Birgitta, Stefan and Felix! The patch shrank somewhat from our original megalomaniac outline when we had to face the reality of the hard physical labor involved when preparing the soil … Pix soon to come.
Also, I seem to have found the holy grail (yup, once again) when it comes to health/nutrition. It comes in the form of two books (by the same genius authors, Dr. Mary Enig and Sally Fallon), namely Nourishing Traditions and Eat Fat, Lose Fat. I know, the latter sounds like it’s just another dieting book but it is really more about health in general than (just) weight loss. Hopefully I can keep the momentum, and write an entry just about those (which is the least they deserve).
What would a post be without some pix? Exactly.
In May …
In June …
We mean business. No, not the banana trade business. We mean the business that is packing so we get outta here.
Now we just have to pack our stuff. We still don’t know when we’re going to be able to move but when you think about it, packing a little each day would make it so much easier in the long run. „Would“ being the operative word here, since you know how these things go: you start out with a totally sensible game plan, and then you end up putting it off until the last minute, 30 seconds of which will be spent wondering why you didn’t stick with your plan, and what did you do with all that time anyway that you didn’t spent packing.
Well, let this be my account for at least part of that time not spent packing: obviously, I spend that time on the internet. Looking for inspiration for the part of the renovating process that I am looking forward to the most but which I already realized is going to end up pretty much on the bottom of the priority list of things that need fixing – decorating. Even I realized that waterproofing exterior unfortunately trumps beautifying interior.
So this is me preparing to get sucked into an alternate universe where things are upside down:
Well, so much for now. How do you spend your time procrastinating stuff? Got any inspiration for me (not in the procrastination department, doing pretty ok there by myself, but in the decorating department)? Feel free to send it my way!
… I think that’s what this thing I am in is. Here is the current state of affairs:
- I now have an indefinite residence permit for Sweden – yay!
- We’ll be able to have a phone at the house – yay!
- We’ll be able to have internet at the house – yay!
- The internet will be old school, very slow, no looking at pictures, only text – meh!
- The bank is willing to give us a loan for the house – yay! I mean, scary – loaning money – but yay!
- I have applied for two jobs which I would be super-excited about if I got either of them. Yay! (I know „two“ doesn’t sound like a lot but I am more of a „few-but-put-a-lot-of-time-and-effort-into-them“ kind of application-writer, not the „if-I-write-200-applications-something-has-to-work-out“ type)
- We are heading up to Sundsvall today (yes, this is a scheduled post), to spend some more time checking out the electrosmog situation in the area.
- I am kind of freaking out right now. I think it’s the parts of me that don’t want to let go of the old, that are afraid of change, that are acting up now because they now that this is legit. It’s on! I guess I’m just gonna have to ride this one out but I am scared at the prospect of having to face this side of me. Not having any diversions like, say, the internet, will definitely do that: force me to face myself – yikes! Without ever having dared to watch Antichrist, I think it’s what I am picturing this little trip in my head right now. Only I might be both of the spouses. Although, not having any diversions like, say, the internet, will probably give Peter and I plenty room for ugly fights, too. Let’s hope these wannabe house-buyers make it till Thursday – that’s when the official safety dude that’s checking out the house is stopping by. And when we’ll set up the actual contract.
While we are spending more and more time dreaming about our new home, and especially the prospect of being closer to nature, we still do enjoy our balcony. Especially now that the plants are growing more and more, and you can see a change every day.
… and I wonder how far they will make it until it is time for us to pack.
We’re not there yet, though, so in the meantime …
Ok, here it comes: I am pretty sure that we found our little corner of the world, our little farm in the prairie, the place where the heart is – you know: home.
I’ve actually felt that way ever since we saw it, which is how it’s supposed to start, right? By „saw it“ I mean the real thing, not the pictures, those gave me very mixed vibes: kitchen on the second floor? Weird, completely out of context wild west type front porch? What’s up with that? But apple trees, and a creek running through the yard! Plus, the price was right, too!
I am not the type to hold back on making (premature) announcements for fear of jinxing anything, I just say it how it is: that I think this is what’s going on but that it’s not a done deal yet. So, although everything isn’t settled yet, here is the story of our dream house and some pix thus far. It’s been quite a ride already …
It started with Peter’s mom, who obviously knew about our quest for a different place to live. One day in May we received an e-mail from her, saying that one of her colleagues wanted to sell a house. I already mentioned the pictures attached to that e-mail, and like I said, I was not sold right away. And anyways, moving back up north wasn’t really what we had had in mind, either. We wanted to stay at a distance from Gothenburg that would allow us to come visit regularly, and keep our circle(s) of friends! Also, when looking on the phone provider’s map of cell phone towers in the area, it wasn’t looking too hot, either … (no, not too few – too many, but that’s a story for another time). On top of it, we were supposed to make a fast call, since the owner had been trying to seel the house for a year, and was about to hand it over to a real estate agent, meaning a higher starting price plus a possible bidding war … So, yeah, we were doubtful.
At this point, I feel like I should insert a short lesson on Swedish geography, which makes the pickle we found ourselves in understandable:
- Sweden is a long country. A very long country.
- The drive from Gothenburg (which is where we live right now) to Sundsvall (where Peter’s family lives, and where the house is) takes nine hours.
- The place in Dalarna, where the family reunion for summer solstice was held, is a six-hour drive from Gothenburg, and a three-hour drive from Sundsvall.
We decided to take the „real estate agency risk“, and stick with our original plan to go check out the house after the family reunion. If the house was truly supposed to be ours, it would wait for us. If it suddenly, after being up for sale for a year, would find new owners, it just wasn’t meant to be. And like I said: we had had our doubts anyway, so we were mainly going to look at it so that we wouldn’t end up asking ourselves „What if …?“
Well, since I already spoiled it for you, the question at this point obviously isn’t whether this house turned out to be a „yay“ or a „nay“. I suppose you are more interested in how it went from „Hm“ to „Home!“.
Since it was on the way in to Sundsvall (the house is actually located in a village about 40 minutes outside), and Peter had spotted it’s location on the map, we decided to stop and sneak a peek from the outside. In all fairness: I wasn’t all that willing to make another stop, there had been so many delays and pit-stops on the way, and it was getting late. But we did, and my instant feeling was „This is where I want to live, we have to buy this house!“. It just felt right.
Just the area we drove through to get there was really beautiful: very rural, hills/small mountains with lakes in between, forest and fields, beautiful „old school“ farms and houses. The last bit of the way to the house is a dirt road, giving it that remote feel that I have been longing for.
We almost missed the house, there are bushes ans trees surrounding its property, which is also perfect. We recognized it by it’s „trademark“ – that funky front porch.
What I was iffy about when i saw the pictures suddenly came through – this place was really charming! The little creek (coming from a pond where apparently you can go fishing) was running through the land behind the house. A small bridge was leading across it, and on the other side stood the barn – also part of the property. In front of the barn was even a little decking, so I immediately saw myself sitting there, having dinners in the evening sun, enjoying the beautiful view over the field of the neighboring farm.
All curtains were closed, so we couldn’t get a look at the inside but that didn’t change me feeling that we’d come to a good place was. What followed was a major fight, what else. I guess my all out exhilaration and unreserved euphoria brought out the opposite in Peter. In an attempt to get my head out of the clouds (not a deliberate one, I would say, it felt more like an instinctive, compulsive pessimism at the time …), he went right to the opposite end of the scale. Well, if his intentions had been to prevent me from getting my hopes up too high, he certainly succeeded. It seemed like the life I had been picturing was never going to be possible with „Mr. Monday“ …
The ride into Sundsvall started out fast and furious (I was driving, still completely pissed) but despite all the „You always …“ and „You will never …“ we somehow managed to smoothe things over, and make it home in one piece. At night, I started having second thoughts of my own. Was this really it? The property did seem awfully small in retrospect, and half the point of moving to the country-side was to grow our own vegetables, possibly have hens and goats and whatnot! Yet I was also a bit worried about the fact that a real estate agency actually had become involved. We had seen an ad for the house in the local paper – already at a slightly higher asking price!
The next day, Peter’s mom arranged for us three to meet her colleague/friend at the house so we could get a look at the inside. No disappointments here. Sure, it was going to be work but we had wanted a project – nothing too advanced but still something we would make our own. Again, it seemed like we had come to the right place.
Regardless of what we want to do with this one (a summer cottage is my vision …) or when, we’re going to have to start out by doing damage control and take out the flooring
The best part was, that there was still a lot of old, charming details left:
The owner (rather, the daughter of the owners who’s managing the sale) was kind enough to let Peter and me borrow the key so that we could stay the night.
Why did we want to do that? Well, there is one issue that has made this quest for a place to live more than a life dream, and which overrules all our opinions, desires and reason: Peter is hypersensitive to electromagnetic fields. That can mean all kinds of things, in his case (and I am simplifying here), any sort of wireless signals (cell phones and cell phone towers, wireless internet, cordless phones, etc.) cause him physical pain. That obviously makes everyday life, uhm, a challenge. It gets even more confusing when you add to that that it takes his body a while to adjust to different environments. Meaning, while it obviously is worst when he is exposed to a lot of electro-magnetic signals, his body does get used to that situation, the pain becomes kind of a background noise. When he’s in an environment where there are very few emitters of electromagnetic signals, he feels a lot better – but just one device suddenly popping up can make the pain seem a lot more piercing.
He usually explains it with this metaphor: If you’re in a room full of people smoking, you stop noticing the fume after a while, and it won’t bother you (if you even can tell) when one additional cigarette is being lit. However, if you are in a place where nobody smokes, one cigarette being lit might bother you a lot, while technically, it is probably a lot less healthy for you to be in the room full of smokers.
So, perception is relative – but the health factor isn’t, which makes things very complicated. In an environment with few sources of electromagnetic signals (gosh, I am really bad with the terminology stuff, sorry to all of those who know better, feel free to correct me!), the one neighbor that is surfing the internet wireless, can pretty much make it impossible for us to live there. Let alone the cell phone towers that might be put up in the area, since that’s where we’re heading.
The house we’re interested in buying is fairly isolated, with only four neighbors at an ok distance – except for one, which is only about 25 yards away. The two times we were there for maybe an hour or so each, Peter felt good. But as hopefully has become clear, that’s not really enough. Therefore we asked to sleep there.
We drove back to Sundsvall to get our sleeping bags, and on the way back out, we saw the most amazing sun set:
We slept well that night – and we hadn’t even brought the silver net which we usually have up to shield Peter/us! Oh yeah, and it turned out that the contract with the real estate agency hadn’t been signed yet, so the owners could back out of that deal, meaning no competition for us, lower price, yet more money for the owners. Yup, the universe was definitely waving numerous of those giant foam hands, all pointing at that house.
Good things just kept coming: Peter’s sister and her husband came out to meet us the next morning. They had bought a house of their own a few years back, so they could give us advice and opinions that backed up our gut feeling (yeah, it turned out that Peter really did like this house, too, he was just more hesitant to express that in the beginning). The day after that, Peter’s aunt and uncle came to visit, and they have fixed up quite a few houses over the years, so their approval meant a lot.
We started looking up all that fun stuff that comes with these kind of endeavors – bank loans (both unemployed right now, yikes), jobs, costs and waiting time for an „official“ expert to give the house a check-up … the works.
Then the time came to return to Gothenburg, and so much had happened during that one week – we really were only gone from Thursday to Thursday!? – that it felt like months. Suddenly our outlook on the future had shifted from „What are we going to do? Where are we supposed to live? How are we ever going to figure this out?“ to „This is it!“.
And then, just as sudden, we hit a brick wall, and the whole thing came to a screeching halt: it looked like it would not be possible for us to have telephone, let alone internet there. I probably don’t need to point out that that is a terrifying prospect for someone who cannot use cell phones or wireless internet … Surely, this could not be happening??? How could the perfect house for us suddenly be brought down by (the lack of) a cable?
As absurd and unfathomable as that seemed, it looked like all the spots in the box that supplies the phone lines to the households in one area where taken up. And since the trend is towards wireless, the phone companies do not put any resources into expanding there … So, if we wanted to live there, we would apparently be „incommunicado“ indefinitely. Welcome to the absurd life of electromagnetic-hypersensitive people and their loved ones.
Anyway, don’t want to bore you with the details of this odyssey that had Peter in a loop, being sent back and forth between different companies. I’ll just skip right to the status quo: there seemed to have been a computer error, marking that box „no vacancy“ when there was just some other defect. Technical folks are heading out to the house on Tuesday, where Peter’s sister will let them in so they can check out what’s really going on. For now I am optimistic that we might be able to avoid total solitary confinement …
Without meaning to, this post somehow turned from „The house of my dreams“ into „My life with my electromagnetic-hypersensitive boyfriend“. Well, I hope you can embrace the eclecticism. Here, have another picture of the beautiful sunset:
I’m back. It feels weird being in our apartment again after wwoofing a week on the country-side. At least it’s finally green around here, too.
This past week was amazing and inspiring in so many ways. Initially we had planned on staying with two, maybe three different wwoof hosts. We ended up staying at Törnagården with Vanessa and Marcus the whole time. The perfect place for us.
I was pretty lousy at taking pictures. Sometimes it feels as if taking a photograph takes away something from the moment. Like you become aware that „this is a moment“ instead of just enjoying it’s existence. I don’t know if that makes any sense, but I don’t have a better excuse for why I didn’t take more pictures of some of the amazing things I saw these past days. Like Törnagården itself. Like the awesome house on wheels that Marcus designed himself, and which he has been building petty much entirely from trees he himself cut down. Like the adorable baby clothes Vanessa has been knitting for the little bean that is due any day now. Like the great food she prepared for us every day. Like … you get the picture. Well, I guess you actually don’t in this case. Maybe some.
So, what have I been doing then instead of taking pictures (as I am putting together this post, I realize that I did take more pictures than I thought), and without internet for a week?
When we arrived on Wednesday, we could tell we had come to the right place by the house on wheels that was standing on the lawn in front of the house. We were greeted by two excited little bears who seemed like they could hardly pace themselves behind the fence (another proof of Marcuses‘ craftsmanship). They turned out to be Sophie and Lotte, the family dogs. A highly pregnant Vanessa pointed us to the front door, where she welcomed us warmly. After talking for a while, and Vanessa showing us around, Marcus showed up, too. He had been at his workshop (he is a finsnickare, a carpenter), where he had been – and where he would be for most of the days we were staying at Törnagården – working on a bed for the baby. With the due date rapidly approaching, this was obviously pretty high on the priority list.
They showed us around some more – the green houses, which Marcus had built from parts he found on the property, and which were featured in an åter-article; Vätte, the cow, and her calf Edgar, and the two goats, Bogart and … I forgot the other one’s name. And they obviously gave us a tour of the house on wheels.
After lunch we started getting down to business. The business of shoveling
shitmanure namely. There was a big pile of it by the hen house, and it had to be moved in order to compost. After a while, we accompanied Marcus to his workshop. After we got a tour, we started cleaning up my the saw mill till dinner.
In the evening, Marcus and Vanessa tried to separate Edgar from Vätte over night, so that we would be able to get some milk in the morning. No success, though, or at least not for us. Edgar won this one.
On Thursday we all started the day by walking the dogs by a little pond in the woods nearby, Kvarndammen („kvarn“ means mill, and there was a little water mill).
Then it was back to the workshop, more cleaning. We had lunch at Törnagården, outside in the backyard. It was windy, so the salad had to be eaten fast, but still – we were eating outside, surrounded by nature. Sitting on our balcony here in town just doesn’t measure up to that.
All four of us went to the workshop in the afternoon. Peter and I cleaned some more, Vanessa was preparing the bars of the baby bed for sanding, Marcus kept building the bed. Later Vanessa, Peter and I sat outside in the sun and sanded the bars under Marcuses‘ (justifiedly) critical supervision. We ended up sitting there until after 8 pm. That was one of the most beautiful things for me during these past days: not having a watch with me – and no clocks on the walls. Just going with the flow, letting the daylight be my guide.
After we returned to Törnagården, Marcus went straight back to the workshop, the remaining three of us went to the neighboring farm to get some milk (how cool is that?!). Vanessa made pancakes for dinner, after which we sat and talked for a while. I was very tired, and the first to go to bed.
On Friday Marcus has to attend to a project for a customer, so Peter and I stay at Törnagården and finish of moving the manure from the hen house. We also clean the hen house a little, and I have to admit that the sight of maggots in the hen poo was quite the challenge for me. But the day wasn’t all work: I lay on the trampoline in the sun for quite some time, and in the afternoon Vanessa took Peter and me to a beautiful lake. I took my first „swim“ for the year (not sure if the few seconds I could make myself stay in the coldcoldcold water count).
Saturday Marcus had to finish up Friday’s project (sadly but not unsurprisingly that ate up quite a bit more time than planned). The rest of us went to Falköping. The thrift store Vanessa was going to show us was closed but we discovered one that she hadn’t been to, either, so it was a win for all three of us. Peter bought a beautiful old alarm clock, which ticks very loudly, and which has an alarm sound that I am not too crazy about, but which I hopefully will get used to.
In the evening the four of us went over to some friends of Vanessa’s and Marcuses‘ – Tonie, who was celebrating her 30th birthday, and Fabian. It was a beautiful evening, the first barbecue of the year, lots of interesting people with interesting stories; most of them wwoof hosts and wwoofers. Peter and I felt really welcome, and not like the tags-along (is that even a word?) we actually were.
Inspired by herbal savvy Vanessa, Peter and I went to gather some herbs to take with us to Gothenburg – dandelion, lady’s mantle, nettle, raspberry leaves. Peter wants to make wine from the dandelion blossoms, I have been browsing the net this morning for all kinds of recipes, and now it looks like there is going to be a pesto fest coming up (and thus probably some recipe posts, too).
In the afternoon, Peter and I went to Bossgården, a farm we had also considered wwoofing at, and which is actually the place where Vanessa and Marcus first were wwoofers themselves. At this point, we are trying to get into as many heads as possible of people who are doing what we hopefully will be doing ourselves some day in the not too distant future. Jonas, who runs Bossgården with his wife, Sanna, was kind enough to let us pick his brains over delicious homemade sour dough bread.
On Monday, Peter and I prepared two of the green houses by weeding and fertilizing them. I think I actually enjoyed this activity the most out of all our little wwoof-projects. Who knew that digging around in the dirt with my hands might turn out to be my thing?
My pleasure of digging around in the dirt however was surpassed by the joy of meeting someone else who has been doing that on a whole different scale – and for years: In the afternoon, Vanessa Peter and I went to see a guy that had been much talked about the previous evening. He was said to be building an earthship, and that was just way too interesting not to check out. The earthship turned out much more amazing than what I had imagined (and thanks to Vanessa, I remembered to take at least some pix this time). Kevin and the story of his earth ship were also really interesting, so if you ever happen to be in the Tidaholm area, I can only recommend that you stop by. We showed up unannounced (which we had been told was ok but somehow it still felt a little weird for me anyway), one of the kids had the stomach-flue – and we were still welcomed with open arms both by Sandra and Kevin. There is so much to be said about this earth ship, and the journey Kevin and his family have been on since they started building it. I am actually thinking that it is deserving of its own post, so for now we will have to make do with some pix.
Yesterday (Tuesday), we left – after one last look at the crib.
On the way home, we stopped by Hjo, one of the three cities in Sweden that have made it their goal to preserve as many of the old buildings as possible. It was beautiful, and – again – I took way too few pictures.
I felt really lucky when I found a little brochure at the tourist information about a place that sells locally grown white asparagus just outside Hjo. That has definitely been one of the things I miss about Germany, the measly little overpriced bundles you get at the grocery store here just don’t cut it. So I got to buy expensive but hopefully delicious „real“ asparagus for once. And whaddaya know, the guy running the place turned out to be from Germany originally. Driving by the fields, and seeing the workers (from Poland judging from the license plates of the cars parked at the farm), I couldn’t help but wonder about their wages, and I started thinking about Two Caravans and It’s a Free World … And then I started to think about my own hypocrisy, for after all: what about all the people involved in the process of producing my food that I buy at the grocery store, whose faces I don’t happen to see right in front of me? …
I am beyond excited. Tomorrow we’re heading out on our second (or first official) wwoofing experience. We’ll be staying with Vanessa and Marcus at Törnagården. I spoke to Vanessa on the phone last weeks, and she sounds really nice. In fact, she IS really nice – she got us in touch with friends of hers who will take us in after our stay at Törnagården – Antonie, Fabian, and their two sons at Fridslund.
It’s amazing how I sometimes feel like everything will always stay the same. No matter how hard I struggle, nothing seems to change – and then, all of a sudden, so many things just happen. Without me struggling at all.
I have been browsing the host-section of the Swedish wwoof-site like I normally only browse on etsy. I feel so inspired. There are so many people who sound amazing, so many places that look really beautiful. This summer is going to be amazing.
This may very well be the last blog post where I can claim that I don’t know how to milk a cow …
Here’s to not struggling for change, to just letting it happen.
I did it. I quit my job. On Thursday. In a way, this was bound to happen but it was kind of out of the blue anyway since I had always imagined that I would find something I’d rather do while working.Last week I realized that that wasn’t happening, and that maybe that wasn’t the way to go about things. I remembered my former room-mate in Germany, who had quit her job because she was too discontent to continue but she knew that she wasn’t unhappy enough to do anything about it unless she had to. So she quit, and a few months later she found the perfect job.
For me the realization came during a conversation with my good friend La. I kept going on about how I really needed this to be over soon … and suddenly I realized that I could and would have to make that happen myself. Then I went through a phase of anxiety over the conversation I would have to have with my boss. I dreaded it, and almost didn’t want to quit just to avoid it. It sucks when you feel like you’re letting someone down – and it sucks even more when someone else feels like you’re letting them down, and want to make you feel guilty about it. That was honestly the reaction I was getting myself prepared for.
At the same time all these wonderful perspectives and opportunities started coming into my life as soon as I had made that decision: going wwoofing (we’ll actually start next week, though only for a few days but still), the prospect of a house, actually by now it appears that there might be two … So by Wednesday night (the night before I was going to tell my boss), I was a wreck with all these thoughts in my head. I obviously didn’t get very much sleep. I prepared myself for The Talk with some of the tips that La had given me – most of all: to not let the conversation get emotional, to be compassionate but not make my boss’s issues mine.
So, on Thursday, I went in prepared for the worst reaction. I kept telling myself that no matter how this went down, as long as I did tell her about my decision, it would be fine in the end. It would be over a month from now. And then the most amazing thing happened: my boss was completely understanding, and happy for me. We actually had a really good, personal talk.
My last working day (in this job anyway) will be June 19. Excited to find out what’s next. It looks like I might actually be able to keep the resolution I made for myself – that I do not want to celebrate my next birthday in this apartment.