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Wwoofever
I am beyond excited. Tomorrow we’re heading out on our second (or first official) wwoofing experience. We’ll be staying with Vanessa and Marcus at Törnagården. I spoke to Vanessa on the phone last weeks, and she sounds really nice. In fact, she IS really nice – she got us in touch with friends of hers who will take us in after our stay at Törnagården – Antonie, Fabian, and their two sons at Fridslund.
It’s amazing how I sometimes feel like everything will always stay the same. No matter how hard I struggle, nothing seems to change – and then, all of a sudden, so many things just happen. Without me struggling at all.
I have been browsing the host-section of the Swedish wwoof-site like I normally only browse on etsy. I feel so inspired. There are so many people who sound amazing, so many places that look really beautiful. This summer is going to be amazing.
This may very well be the last blog post where I can claim that I don’t know how to milk a cow …
Here’s to not struggling for change, to just letting it happen.
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what if
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The time is now
I did it. I quit my job. On Thursday. In a way, this was bound to happen but it was kind of out of the blue anyway since I had always imagined that I would find something I’d rather do while working.Last week I realized that that wasn’t happening, and that maybe that wasn’t the way to go about things. I remembered my former room-mate in Germany, who had quit her job because she was too discontent to continue but she knew that she wasn’t unhappy enough to do anything about it unless she had to. So she quit, and a few months later she found the perfect job.
For me the realization came during a conversation with my good friend La. I kept going on about how I really needed this to be over soon … and suddenly I realized that I could and would have to make that happen myself. Then I went through a phase of anxiety over the conversation I would have to have with my boss. I dreaded it, and almost didn’t want to quit just to avoid it. It sucks when you feel like you’re letting someone down – and it sucks even more when someone else feels like you’re letting them down, and want to make you feel guilty about it. That was honestly the reaction I was getting myself prepared for.
At the same time all these wonderful perspectives and opportunities started coming into my life as soon as I had made that decision: going wwoofing (we’ll actually start next week, though only for a few days but still), the prospect of a house, actually by now it appears that there might be two … So by Wednesday night (the night before I was going to tell my boss), I was a wreck with all these thoughts in my head. I obviously didn’t get very much sleep. I prepared myself for The Talk with some of the tips that La had given me – most of all: to not let the conversation get emotional, to be compassionate but not make my boss’s issues mine.
So, on Thursday, I went in prepared for the worst reaction. I kept telling myself that no matter how this went down, as long as I did tell her about my decision, it would be fine in the end. It would be over a month from now. And then the most amazing thing happened: my boss was completely understanding, and happy for me. We actually had a really good, personal talk.
My last working day (in this job anyway) will be June 19. Excited to find out what’s next. It looks like I might actually be able to keep the resolution I made for myself – that I do not want to celebrate my next birthday in this apartment.
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I just opened my etsy-store! Finally, one loose end tied up! Yay!
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What’s important?
I can’t shake this feeling of being all over the place. Probably because I still am. Today, I suddenly had an idea for a movie. Great. One more thing to add to the list of things I’d love to do but can’t commit to because there are too many items on that list. A few days ago I stumbled across one of those simplify-your-life-articles. It says you should make a list of what’s important to you – and cut that list down to four or five items because more than that is unrealistic. Rings true to me, I feel like I have so many things I want to do that all it does is suck any energy right out of me, and leave me not only doing nothing I really want but also feeling guilty for it. Here’s to getting our priorities straight.
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A silver lining
I think I am the inversion of Sheldon (The Big Bang Theory – but you probably figured that one, right?). I start a bunch of projects, super-excited about every single one of them but I cannot for the life of me seem to finish any of them. Like the jacket I started knitting weeks ago. (Still not anywhere near a jacket, actually even the opposite because I messed up the pattern so I started to open it up again.) Like the novel I started writing in the fall. (I actually made a deliberate choice of putting that on hold until the job situation wouldn’t suck all the energy out of me but I think for now I can add it to the list of enthusiastically started and abandoned projects.) Like the jewelery. (I am determined to start up an etsy-site as soon as I have made a cool header! Yeah, right.) Like this blog. (Ok, there is no finish but you know what I mean, it’s been kinda
quietdead around here). The list goes on but I think you get the point.I am more and more in love with the idea of getting rid of all my stuff just so that there won’t be anymore distractions, and I can remember what’s important. Yesterday, I even got so far as to get some empty boxes from the basement, and just started to put my stuff in them. I figured if I pack up everything I don’t feel I need right now it might help. If I realize I do need something, I can always go into the basement and get it back. If I don’t, then great – I am already set for the next time we move. Well, I ended up filling six boxes and to my horror, the apartment feels just as cluttered as before. Also, while I was packing, I got the feeling that I probably won’t go into the basement, that a year from now, the boxes will still be untouched, and that I really probably should just get rid of it all but, of course, I couldn’t. Yet …? We’ll see.
Wait, actually, what was the point of telling you this? Maybe a sort of explanation for the lack of postage around here? That could actually just as easily be explained by my relapse into serial addiction – all three seasons of UNITED STATES OF TARA in three or four days.
Wow, I just wrote and deleted and re-wrote and deleted a paragraph. They were too ranty even for me!?
I think what I am trying to say is: I have been feeling stuck and sort of in between for a while now. As much as I hated the idea of slowly killing this blog, I just didn’t feel like I had anything to say. So I didn’t. But I am seeing a light at the end of the tunnel. Some major changes are about to happen but I’m not really ready to write about them yet. Hopefully soon, though, so bear with me.
Meanwhile: Here are some pictures from our little trip on the first of May.
Peter took this picture. It looked like a dream then and there. I was doubtful it would translate in a photograph. Still not sure. But I’m glad he took the pic anyway. 
Love the color of this moss. 
And a line from the UNITED STATES OF TARA theme song: „I know we’ll be just fine when we learn to love the ride.“ Here’s to learning to love the ride.
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Recipe – Fig smoothie
OK, there’s no dancing around this: this one may look healthy but calling it tasty-looking would be a stretch.
It tastes not only better than it looks, it actually tastes good. And it is healthy. Another raw food inspiration I took with me from visiting our friend C. How to (makes about four servings):
- Soak about a cup of figs over night (it’s a raw food thing: soaking everything – to get rid of toxins (seeds and nuts), or in this case just to make it more digestible).
- About half an hour or so before you want to prepare the smoothie, soak some powdered nettle, hip and blueberry (of course you can use the real thing, too, but we happen to have tons of this powdered stuff, it’s supposed to be rich in vitamins and stuff – gosh, this sounds like I don’t even know why I am doing half the stuff I am doing … which is completely untrue! … er … well). At Peter’s request, I added some spirulina, too (algi, also … um, healthy)
- Put the figs in the blender – with the water they were soaking in! Blend. Duh.
- Add the powder that should have turned into a creamy goo by now.
- Add a banana (or more, if you like), even some agave syrup if you like it REALLY sweet.
- Add water depending on what kind of texture you like
At our friend’s we ate this with berries (picked by her in the woods behind her house, of course). We were out so we had to go without. What I like best about this smoothie/cream is how the fig seeds crackle in my mouth.
Oh yeah: and how it makes it possible to take in all these vitamin supplements that I couldn’t force down before when I tried to just drink the stuff. I guess you can come a long way with sugar.
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Recipe – Almond milk
Like I said, this trip inspired me. A lot. Our friend eats raw food and while we were there, so did Peter and I. I found eating raw food surprisingly diversified, digestible and filling. That doesn’t mean that I didn’t feel like I had to eat a lot to feel full – but for me that’s kind of a mental thing I need to get over. I am probably not going to go Green for Life, although I did find the book very interesting and sensible in a lot of ways. For now, however, I do feel like trying out some of the nutritious deliciousness our friend introduced us to.
My favorite – which I had tried and failed at before – was her almond milk.
Tastes great with the lupine coffee I’ve come to love so much. Here’s how it goes:
- Take about two cups of almonds (makes about five cups of almond milk, less if you like it creamier), and let them soak in water over night.
- The next day, pour the water out, and pour boiling water over the almonds. Only let them sit for about a minute, this is just so that you can peel them more easily.
- Rinse the almonds.
- Put the almonds into a blender, add a little bit of water at first, blend.
- Gradually add more water until you’re satisfied with the texture.
- I added nothing else when I made this this morning. Our friend usually put in a banana (both for sweetness and texture), sometimes some agave syrup.
As for the health benefits and more detailed information, I unsurprisingly found something on my favorite health/food/diy blog.
After they’ve been soaking. You can tell they’re beginning to sprout by those little „tails“. 
Easier to peel after you’ve put them in hot water for a minute. 
Voilà: plain almond milk. 
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Living the country life
I am back from another trip. More inspired than ever! I do apologize, though, to certain friends (Lisa, you know who you are) who worried my offline-ness might translate to „something bad happened“.
Nothing bad happened – I was just hanging around somewhere without internet. You know, out there, in first life. Note to self: in the time and age of „There is no offline, there is only away from keyboard“, announce any awol from the virtual life (technically, is it „awl“ then?). At least for as long as there is no way to virtually transmit the bad smell coming from your apartment that might alarm your neighbors – who might not even care since you live in one of those anonymous big city shoe boxes – but not the ones who do care but don’t live close by. Another note to self: keep notes to self short…ish.
Our friend lives in this house. She spent her childhood summers here – when it was still her grandma’s house. Pretty neat, don’t you think? Anyway. Peter and I were visiting a friend who lives the way we hope to do one day – somewhere on the Swedish countryside, growing lots of her own food, with no stupid electro smog. There was no internet. It was beautiful. Not because or despite that fact. It just was. Although we were only there from Thursday through Tuesday, this trip was a real learning and healing experience – most of all, unsurprisingly, about myself; my current state (physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, … in any way) as well as my wishes for my future.
This cozy little cabin was „our room“ for the time we where there. I realized that …
- … a life closer to nature and more self-sufficient is not only what I imagine I want. It is what I do want.
- … the difference between life in the city and on the countryside is not to be underestimated. My body had a hard time adjusting to physical labor (which does not always allow for ergonomic execution), my mind had a hard time accepting that I/we took so many breaks. I felt very unproductive, although our host did not express any such complaints – or any complaints at all. Here at home I want to get through with everything I have to do as quickly as possible, there you spread out the (more physically exhausting) work over the entire days, take it slow, take time for conversations, contemplation, simply being.
- … I am especially unhappy with my job here at home.
- … the difference between the life I am currently leading, and the life I want is huge. I had an episode of deep depression the second day when I realized that gap. I had no idea how I should get from one to the other, and this uncertainty scared and frustrated me. I still don’t know but I am hopeful now.
Liverleaf – let’s turn more to the light like they do 
Hm, something’s wrong with this picture. Oh yeah: the chemtrails. 
Nothing wrong with this picture! We copiously drank tea made from calendula and dandelion – both, of course, „locally grown“ as you put it these days. 
Calendula – love the sound of the word, too. 
Before they become sunflowers. Our friend is a raw-foodie – so she, too, grows and eats a lot of sprouts. Her windowsills are a lot less „mono-cultural“ compared to ours. That’s gotta change! 
Buckwheat 
Well these tomato plantss obviously got a head start. (Look at my itty-bitty one further down …) 
Haven’t been able to find out what „tråer“ means (could be Norwegian?), nor do I – despite my general nosiness – know what’s in that bag. Just think it’s pretty. 
This is in the little cabin. I finally know how to start a fire. Yay! 
If you look closely you can maybe pretend to see the birch juice we collected in this bucket. We had no intentions of juicing this tree but when Peter removed what he thought was a dead branch – well, it turned out that it wasn’t dead. Luckily, the branch broke in a way that there was just enough left to hang that bucket. Thank you, dear birch tree, you tasted delicious! 
Despite my vertigo I managed to paint some of the eaves. Apparently this is something you need to do the first few years to make these kinds of log cabins „weatherproof“. We used a mixture of linseed oil and tar, so no poo – and it smells really good, too. 
Our friend covers her flower beds throughout the winter with a thick layer of straw/hay to protect the plants beneath from the nip. We thought it was time to pull away the blanket and get the roots out of bed but the ground was still partly frozen. When we came home I was excited to see if any of the seeds I had sown had grown anything during our absence. The score: two tomato plants are sprouting and I can see the beginning of morning glory.
Like I said: teensy tiny. 
… unlike the mint. Peter says it’s the coffee grounds but I think he just says that because it was him who thought of that, and he wants all the credit for it. My theory: this plant is just amazing! -
Planting the seed(s)
Besides uploading pictures and doing laundry, I also used my free day to finally do what I have been wanting to do for weeks but put off on accounts of the sucky weather – not that that’s changed but I’ve really had it! Yes, I sowed some seeds. Look:
All organic, yay! 
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*** As you can tell, I used egg cartons to pre-grow seedlings. Even felt compelled to make some labels. Here they are, in case you want plant labels in Swedish/German/English for cilantro, parsley, basil, nasturtium, morning glory (love the name), and tomato. I just printed the page twice and glued them together with a stick I made from cardboard in between.
We’ll see how this grows, I hope.
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Spring on the inside
The gray has been following me – when I was in Germany it was sunny at home (and gray in Germany), now that I am back, it’s graygraygray with – no kidding – snow (well, that was yesterday, but still). We’re not ones to give up so easily, though, so if Muhammed won’t come to the mountain (is that even how you say it in English or is this Swenglish?) …
Peter recently bought an air humidifier, since the air in our apartment is so dry we always wake up with what feels like a desert in our mouths. It was crap so he returned it and found something way cooler: plants that do the trick. Now, I don’t know what they’re called and so far I cannot claim that I can feel a difference but it definitely gives the apartment a more homely feel, don’t you think?
Disclaimer: I did not pick most of these plant pots, so I refuse to be held accountable for any possible ugliness (guess which one I really want to get rid off). The mint has been keeping up the spirit despite the grayness – maybe it’s the coffee grounds Peter has been feeding it with.
*** This is what the kitchen looked like this morning:
*** Bought some lavender yesterday. The girl at the flower stand told me I should put it in hot water. She told me the same about a gerbera I purchased. Never heard of this before – maybe there is such a thing as „trends“ in plant watering? Do you know anything about this? Anyway, the lavender:
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