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Happy New Year
Hi everyone, I hope you have had a good start into 2019. I feel like a little recap is in order (I know you know that I can’t keep things short but I will try). My last post on here was pictures and thoughts from the light festival at Amritabha in the beginning of June. That was the first time I came back to visit since my stay as a short term resident last year (that was in the beginning of my trip around the world that ended sooner than I had anticipated – I wrote about that here on the blog). In September I returned to Amritabha, this time for a little longer.
Boy, as I am writing this I am beginning to understand how much I have not been sharing on here, and how it seems kind of complicated to write about it – those of you who follow me on Instagram (@sarineturhede) may have noticed that I have been sharing a little more of my daily life in the stories. I am getting used to talking in front of the camera, and it feels like it may actually be easier to tell you the story of my past year. Why I ended the trip around the world (I can see now that I was being a little cryptic in the blog post), why I ended up in Stade, why I am back in Amritabha now although I still feel in my heart that Sweden is home …
It’s funny, re-opening the blog was what I needed to be able to share anything on any channel – and at the same time it’s also making me realize that I feel like trying something new, like vlogging. It feels so good to be writing here again but it also feels liberating to give myself permission to look at things differently, to consider other forms of expression.
If there is one thing I am understanding about myself better and better it’s that I love change, that I am best when I am free and open to approach things as if I were doing them for the first time.
The consistency is not the form of expression but the fact that I want to express myself, share my story, share my perspective, and to inspire you to express yourself, share your story.
That is the constant in my life, and whenever I have draught periods where I don’t do that, it’s probably because I was holding on to an idea of how I should be doing it, or what I should and should not be sharing. If I have learned anything is that I want to free myself from these constraints, I want to keep allowing myself to explore new media of expression, and also: I want to not take things so seriously that I feel like „Oh, but I can’t share this“/“I don’t want the world to see me like that“/“I need to be better at this before I can show anything“.
Sorry if this is a total rant and maybe this doesn’t make sense to you at all but when I have these phases where I don’t share, it’s like something in me bottles up and when I finally open up again, there is so much that wants out. And that’s ok. I think this is exactly the point: to give ourselves permission to show up and share what we have to bring to the table, whatever it is at that point.
Not everything is going to be our greatest work ever but the greatest work comes as much from inspired action as it does from being persistent, from keeping at it, from writing/painting/filming ourselves through all the other days.
I am aware that chances are there will be more days/phases in my life where I will want to take a break from sharing my story because I won’t feel like there’s a point. But I know that so far I have never regretted anything I have shared, and that I have often wished that I had continued even when I didn’t see the point.
Ok, this is getting super long, but I just want to get into why I took down Road to Walden and the decided to re-open it again (I don’t even know if any of you are wondering about that but I am telling you anyway :-D). I think it all really started when my blog – well: I – was getting more attention, during my time here at Amritabha.
Suddenly there was this possibility in the air that I would go into business for myself (which I did and which was the best decision of my life), and I think I started having this idea that my online presence should be more centered around my person, not some blog title that nobody really seemed to get anyway. Also it felt a little strange starting to mix business posts into this blog that up until then had been simply personal.
So I got the domain sarineturhede.com and started building a more business-focused website. I thought I would just share my personal story on Instagram and Facebook, and I guess I thought it would be a good way for me to practice writing shorter texts. Plus the fact that I was going through a pretty tough time after my return to Germany, where things felt very out of focus, and sometimes plain wrong. I simply had a hard time wanting to show myself to the world that way.
For a while I even thought I would make eBooks from my old blog posts as a symbol of self-appreciation, and then delete the blog completely and not share my personal story anymore at all. I can’t remember what exactly it was that made me change my mind but eventually I just realized that yes, I do believe in creating great content for my business site. I love giving practical tips on different technical issues. I love exploring all these great tools that are out there for us to share our message, and I am happy to help others discover them.
But I realized that I don’t work well when my focus is on this very straight-forward business-mindedness. Like, this idea that I need to produce something with that has to be of direct/obvious value to anyone. I think it was Agni who said
„Follow the money and you will lose your passion, follow your passion and money will follow you.“
That is so true for me and it really shows in my business. Whenever I step into that trap of thinking I need to approach things from a focus on money, that’s when things get really tough. And whenever I allow myself to do what I feel like (even or especially when I can’t immediately see how that could lead to any financial gain), money finds it’s way to me with so much ease.
It was when I started observing what inspires me, who I love to follow, that I understood what I really value. And yes, I am grateful for all the tutorials that are out there that have helped me figure out how to do tech stuff. But what really gets me excited is people sharing their stories and their passion. Like Yoga Girl. Like the Dervaes family. Like Kristie Wolfe. Like Laura Hollick. The person that has been the biggest inspiration over the past days has been Jonna Jinton (and yes, it probably has a lot to do with my longing for Sweden that I think will not end until I move back there).
It became so obvious to me that I would never be happy with just a business site, and just sharing business related content. After all, the way I work, my life and my work are very connected. At a former work place I learned that „people buy from people“. And that is so true! It never takes long for me to recognize myself in the peron who is hiring me for a photo gig. There are a bunch of great photographers out there – so obviously there has to be a reason why anyone would choose me in particular.
We are drawn to kindred spirits. And what a great way to recognize one another through our stories.
This is maybe a paradox but as much as I love how business is personal for me these days, and the lines do get very blurry, it still felt right to re-open Road to Walden instead of just deciding to share personal stories on my business website. Actually, no, I do think it makes a lot of sense even from a business perspective. Because I do want to share my story with you regardless of whether you are interested in working with me. I don’t want my story to be some sort of „gimmick“ that is part of a marketing strategy. I want it to be free. I want us to be connected in freedom. It’s the deepest kind of connection.
Looking forward to breathing life back into this space, and to re-connect with you.
Creatively yours,
Sarine
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Spiritual hairdresser Shakandra | Photography | Behind the scenes
Auf deutsch? Bitte nach unten scrollen.
EN – Here is a little behind the scenes from the photo session with spiritual hairdresser Shakandra Weinberg and model Gaelle. I always feel that every photo session is my favorite and my best. And so I do about this one. Some might say despite the fact that the day of the photo session got off to a rocky start.
I say: that was exactly what we needed to get into the flow. Shakandra and I had turned into real idea fountains during the week before the session, and we just kept coming up with so many great ideas. Although I realized that they were far too many to even try out in one day, I could feel how a certain plan had formed in my mind by Friday night. I thought I knew how I wanted to do things, what I wanted to see in the pictures.
Saturday morning, everything was flipped, for a moment it looked like we might not even be able to do this photo session that day at all. And I instantly knew that this was exactly what we needed – to not be able to stick to the plan. I have gotten to know myself well enough by now that I know that my head likes to make plans but that I really work best when I don’t even have the option of following my head. That’s when I am most open to my intuition, and able to create and follow flow. As a photographer but in life in general, really. So when I heard that we might not be able to go ahead as scheduled, ideas immediately started coming to me of how we could use the time instead (like I said: we’d had far too many ideas for one day). I started setting up for something different – and suddenly we were able to proceed.
I could feel how the three of us – Shakandra, Gaelle, and I – each got into our flow, and how that created something much bigger and better than any plan ever could have. This is not to say that forming a plan was redundant. I actually saw quite a lot of the pictures turn out the way I had imagined them. They just came about naturally. So I am by all means pro prepping. And then letting go.
The radiant Shakandra. Sometimes the first pictures are best. It’s those magical words: „Relax, these one’s don’t count yet.“ 
Model Gaelle getting comfy in the hair temple. 
I love when my I get to use props that are actually mean something to my clients. Like this mirror that Shakandra got from her grandmother. 
It’s all about the hair, so the feet don’t need to make a fashion statement today. Not that wool socks aren’t a great fashion statement! 
Some (read: I) might argue that Xantor had the most important job that day – he made us lunch and fed us delicious cake. #dreamteamwork 
It’s a wrap. DE – Hier ein kleiner Blick hinter die Kulissen der Fotosession mit der spirituellen Friseurin Shakandra Weinberg. Ich habe immer das Gefühl, dass jede Fotosession meine liebste und beste ist. So auch diesmal. Manche würden sagen, obwohl der Tag einen holprigen Start hatte.
Ich sage: Das war genau das, was wir brauchten, um in den Fluss zu kommen. Shakandra und ich waren in der Woche vor der Sitzung zu echten Ideenfontänen geworden, uns kamen immer mehr und tollere Ideen. Obwohl ich merkte, dass es viel zu viele waren, um es an einem Tag auszuprobieren, spürte ich, wie sich bis Freitagabend ein bestimmter Plan in meinem Kopf gebildet hatte. Ich dachte, ich wüsste, wie ich Dinge machen wollte, was ich auf den Bildern sehen wollte.
Samstag Morgen kam alles anders, für einen Moment sah es so aus, als könnten wir diese Fotosession an diesem Tag überhaupt nicht machen. Und ich wusste sofort, dass dies genau das ist, was wir brauchten – um nicht im Plan verhaften zu bleiben. Ich habe mich mittlerweile gut genug kennengelernt, dass ich weiß, dass mein Kopf gerne plant, dass ich aber am besten arbeite, wenn ich nicht einmal die Möglichkeit habe, meinem Kopf zu folgen. Dann bin ich ganz für meine Intuition offen und in der Lage, Flow zu erzeugen und ihm zu folgen. Als Fotografin, aber im Leben überhaupt. Als ich hörte, dass wir vielleicht nicht wie geplant loslegen würden, kamen mir sofort andere Ideen, wie wir die Zeit stattdessen nutzen könnten (wie gesagt: wir hatten sowieso viel zu viele Ideen für einen Tag). Ich begann mich auf etwas anderes einzustellen – und plötzlich konnten wir anfangen.
Ich konnte fühlen, wie wir drei – Shakandra, Model Gaelle und ich – in unseren Flow kamen, und wie das etwas viel Größeres und Besseres hervorbrachte, als irgendein Plan je hätte erzeugen können. Das soll nicht heißen, dass ich das Planen für überflüssig halte. Ich habe tatsächlich festgestellt, dass viele der Bilder genau so aussehen, wie ich sie mir vorgestellt hatte. Sie sind einfach auf natürliche Weise entstanden. Also ich bin auf jeden Fall pro Planung. Planen und dann loslassen – dann wird’s wunderschön.
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Heliotrope | Sarine’s Crystal Oracle
A vision needs grounding, and life here on earth is so much more fulfilling if it is guided by a vision.
It’s good to have dreams and visions for your life. It means that you are connected with your origin, your heaven. Just remember that the bigger your dreams, or rather: the stronger your desire to manifest them here on earth, the more important it is to ground yourself. It’s simply a question of balance.
Only the vision isn’t enough to actualize the dream, only being in the physical world can lead to a feeling of lack of purpose. You need both, the connection to your heaven as well as this earth.
So when you have big dreams, make sure you remember to ground yourself. How do you do that? The simplest way is to pay attention to your body and its needs. Eat well (and by that I don’t mean following a specific diet, just eat whatever makes you feel comfortable in your skin). Make sure you get enough rest. See to it that you have a place in nature where you like to be. Being in nature is a great way to connect both with yourself as well as the earth and its inhabitants as a whole. Visit that place frequently, not for any particular activity, just allow yourself to be there.
The notion that you could skip any of these things in order to make more time for more „productive“ activities is misguided because you will lose your focus in the long run if you neglect to stay grounded.
And vice versa: if you find yourself consumed by the concerns of the physical world only, it is important that you allow yourself some time to dream. No matter how hard the burdens you might feel seem to press down on you. Especially when they feel so overwhelming that taking time to dream seems like an outrageous indulgence. So how do you do that? Take some time for „nothing“. Just let your thoughts wander aimlessly, do something just for the sheer joy of it. This helps you to open up as a creative channel, which in turn means you are in a position to receive those ideas and dreams that are waiting for you to notice them.
More information about my Healing Art on my business website: https://sarineturhede.com/healingart/
Let’s connect:
Instagram @healing.art.by.sarine
Facebook @healing.art.by.sarine
Etsy: https://www.etsy.com/de/shop/HealingArtBySarine
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Doing it anyway| Amritabha new moon theme: Accepting your power
Accepting your own power is this new moon cycle’s theme here at Amritabha. And it’s really got me going on all levels. It figures, since you can’t accept your power „just a little bit“. Either you’re doing it or you’re not. Daring to accept your power doesn’t mean everything will run smoothly once you made that decision. That’s the challenge: when you dare to do that, it means that you accept entering a situation without being sure of its outcome. Those who dare to do that don’t do it in the spirit of „I know how to do this 100%“. We do it in the spirit of „Maybe I don’t have it all figured out but I’m doing this anyway“.
What if I don’t have it in me?
During my stay here at Amritabha, I scored an amazing writing job. I was stoked. Up until the moment when it was time to finally sit down and get started. I freaked out. What’s worse: my mind just went blank. Yikes! I was admiring this person whom I was supposed to write for so much that I ended up putting myself under a ton of pressure. This just has to turn out GREAT! What if I can’t do it? What if they are wrong about me, and I just don’t have it in me?! Gulp. This. Is. Not.Working.
Ideas don’t come from me – they come through me
Suddenly I remembered: I can do this. That’s why I got this job in the first place. Of course it’s not going to work if I’m panicking. The only thing that does work is this: reminding myself that it’s not actually my mind that has to make all this up. When I write – no; when I write well – it doesn’t come from me. It comes through me. It’s ideas, sentences, thoughts that are floating out there in the space surrounding me, waiting for me to catch them. The only thing I need to do is be aware of it, open myself to the process, and allow myself to become the channel for these ideas and words. It’s simple yet challenging. This approach only requires one single thing of me: unconditional trust in my intuition. The certainty that whatever it is I am perceiving is exactly what wants to be said.
Clearing myself, opening up, being present – I want to live my life the way I give crystal healing
I discovered this technique, this understanding of the creative process, during my crystal healer training with Dauri Neumann. Somehow I just had this trust in myself there. It was easy for me to accept that I couldn’t plan the sessions ahead or prepare them in any other way. The only thing I could do was clear my mind, open up, and be present – to the recipient of the treatment, to the healing that wanted to come through me and the stones, and to the assistance of the divine. That was a very powerful experience, and I thought „I want to live my life the way I give crystal healing“.
This approach comes pretty easy as long as I’m writing for myself. I’m free, don’t have any particular point in mind I want to make, I can just allow myself to see where my writing is going. That copy job had different prerequisites, so my mind started rolling this film like I’ve trained it to do for years: You should know your stuff better! I can’t say anything meaningful until I’ve done more research! You have no idea what you’re doing! So far you’ve always managed to get by but this time they’ll call your bluff! And so on. It was a total blast from the past, the high school and university years. My performance was always excellent, and still I always panicked at some point when writing my papers.
You don’t deliver because of the stress but in spite of it
Back then I thought that this pressure, this stress was the part of the process that made sure I delivered. I think differently now. I did not deliver because of that fear of failure. I delivered in spite of it. The way I see things now, I was afraid because I didn’t know where my thoughts really came from, and why they were good. How could I possibly be sure it would work the next time? For my thoughts didn’t come from my intellect back then, either. They came through it. It was the same principle at work there, even if I wasn’t aware of it: thoughts were buzzing in the air around me and I just caught them. Of course you need to dive into in a topic, do your research. However, if I’d been aware back then of the learning/writing process the way I see it today, I probably would have trusted my instinct with more ease, when it came to determining what was enough information.
The message of listlessness: this isn’t going anywhere
That feeling did exist: it entered the stage as listlessness. I thought I needed to make myself read more (it was never enough!). I often failed at that. That brought on the guilt: You’ve done way too little again! There were few moments where I could acknowledge the thought that I was reluctant towards work because it was not really meaningful. It was only serving one purpose: soothing my conscience, so that I could assure myself I’d done enough.
Accept your doubt just as much as you accept your power – that way you’ll be able to get it done
This look at the past that this writing job granted me was an opportunity to break the spell. Not only do I know now that I want to live my life the way I give crystal healing treatments. I am finally convinced that it’s possible.
How do I prove myself I’m right? Very simple, very challenging: I’m doing it. With my fears, doubts, and my resistance. It helps to remember that all they want to do is play. You can do it anyway.
Open yourself to the wonders that want to come into the world through you
That’s what I mean when I talk about accepting your power: opening up to the wonders that want to come into this world through us (the small ones just as much as the big ones). Trusting that we are provided with everything we need to manifest them. Not to waste our power fighting our doubt but keep trusting. Trusting that our power is sufficient to both manifest our dreams, and carry that doubt.
Recommended reading
Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert was a real eye-opener for me when it comes to the creative process. I was especially inspired by Gilbert’s description of how she deals with fears and doubt. It makes it impossible not to love them. According to my not so humble opinion this book is a must-read. Not just for artists but for everyone who wants to live a happy and fulfilled life.
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No excuses | Accepting your power
DE – Hier könnt ihr meinen aktuellen Beitrag zum Amritabha-Monatsthema – Begegne deiner Kraft – auf deutsch lesen. Und hier auf englisch:
EN – Creating from a state of perfection the theme of this past new moon cycle here at Amritabha. Meeting and accepting our power is the step that follows organically. My own being, and the power that wants to be expressed through me become visible when I ask myself this question: „If all the ifs and buts in the world didn’t matter, what would you want to do?“ So far it always turns out that all the ifs and buts really don’t matter. The path becomes visible when we decide to walk it.
It’s all here
A little recap: Creating from a state of perfection means recognizing that we already have everything we need in order to manifest our heaven here on earth. Whatever it is we carry within is „good enough“. We don’t need to wait for a better version of ourselves or the world. If that is true, all our flaws and apparent mistakes can’t really mess up the creative process. They don’t keep us from expressing our being, or from living our heaven on earth.
There are no wrong choices, there is only „What do you really want?“
Thus, bad choices or mistakes don’t really exist, not in the sense we usually think of them anyway. If there are no mistakes, no bad choices we put a brake on our creative process for as long as we aim to „make the right choice“ or „avoid the wrong choice“. I’ve been having a very clear sense that this isn’t working anymore for a while now. It’s a voice inside that calls me out whenever I’m trying and make a choice that way. That voice tells me: „This isn’t going anywhere. You need to ask yourself: what do you want?“ For me this is the voice of the Divine Mother by the way.
Don’t distract yourself – just get started
I am also noticing that it’s becoming impossible to base my decisions on calculations of any potential outcome. Regardless of whether they might be positive or negative! I have been putting myself out there on social media a little more lately, with blog posts and pictures. Sometimes part of me doesn’t really feel like sharing because I feel like too much of a mess to want to be seen. Other times part of me really wants to post something because it’s nice to be seen, to get recognition and praise. The point is: even though I don’t want my actions to be steered by these motives, they still need to have permission to exist. If I waited for the moment when I’ve „finally risen above“ all that, I wouldn’t be able to do anything!
As the Divine Mother puts it: „Maybe you have all these reasons why you shouldn’t do this. And maybe you have all these reasons why you want to do that, which you think aren’t „pure“ enough. Don’t let yourself get distracted by that. The question is still the same: what do you want to do? Then do it.“
No more excuses – make a decision, and then follow through
That is what facing your own power and accepting it means to me: figuring out what it is we carry within, what it is that wants to come into this world through us – and then make that decision to manifest these wishes. When we recognize that there will never be that perfect moment in time, the right choice, that perfect version of ourselves, which we think we need in order to start creating our heaven, then we’re suddenly out of excuses. No reasons left why we shouldn’t manifest our dreams and visions.
Does that mean that fear is out of the equation? Of course not. Not accepting our power and not expressing our true self is safe: that way we may not be loved for who we really are but at least we cannot be rejected for it either. We’ve been there enough times to know: never again!
Express your true self with all its aspects – it’s the only way to make an impact
But times have changed, right? These days I only feel drawn to people who are authentic. Those who don’t have an answer to every question, but who are brave to admit openly when they are clueless or desperate when facing a certain situation. Those who are not interested in convincing me of their flawlessness. Those who dare to simply be themselves. The visible success of these people is proof enough for me to understand I am not the only one longing for this kind of honesty. It speaks to all of us, and we know perfectly well when someone is trying to sell us „authenticity“, or rather when they are trying to sell us something under the guise of authenticity. I am convinced that this is the age where we can only truly touch others by expressing our true being with all that encompasses. That by the way is one of the wishes of my being: to touch others.
Amritabha makes you face your power
Amritabha is supporting me when it comes to accepting my power, recognizing my being, and expressing both. That is an understatement, actually: I feel like I don’t have much choice. Ever since my arrival it has become more and more difficult to be in denial about what really is part of me, and to see what is just some sort of old „program“ that kicks in sometimes. The inner child workshop which I took here has contributed a lot there. But I also feel very clearly that it is this place itself that encourages this growth. Not so strange after all, since Amritabha is a temple of creation. I am still very happy to have the opportunity to spend an entire summer here. I couldn’t have dreamed up these past seven weeks. Can’t wait to see what the remaining six have in store for me.
Love and light
Sarine
PS: It doesn’t have to be three months. If you’re curious what Amritabha might have in store for you, there are many different ways to find out. The château is open to the public every day, and we love to have company. The daily meditations are public and free as well. If you’d like to spend a little more time but still be independent, you can book the guest room (via airbnb or directly at the office – +33 3 89 73 24 60 | info@amritabha.de). And then there are all those wonderful seminars and events. Check out the Amritabha event calendar for details – or follow us on facebook to keep track. Last but not least: if you’re thinking „I want what she’s having!“ – the three-month Amritabha experience – contact Fe San (fesan@amritabha.de |+33.389.732460). Just keep in mind that not every journey is the same. <3
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On pioneers of happiness
When I look around, I see plenty of people who are proof that it’s not only possible to combine love and success. I see that it is exactly the pursuit of their passion that is being rewarded. I am not talking about celebrities, I believe those are another story. I am talking about pioneers of happiness. I am talking about a woman building tiny houses and Hobbit Holes and renting them out via airbnb. I am talking about a family who turned their suburban backyard into an urban homestead where they sell their harvest, host classes and concerts. I am talking about opening our minds and creating our own sources of income instead of trying to pick from the menu of available jobs, and trying to fit in.
Don’t get me wrong: If you are happy with where you are, and that happens to be a career „off the menu“, then I am not saying that is wrong or less worthy! Remember, I am all about happiness these days. If your life makes you happy, you’re already where you need to be. It takes all kinds of people. It is those of us who cannot find our happiness in the available selection that need to start understanding that the fact that we will never be able to find it there does not mean there isn’t any happiness for us in the world. OK, I am obviously talking about myself here but I believe I am not the only one.
Here’s what I think: if you’re like me and your kind of happiness just doesn’t seem to be on the menu, the key to finding it is looking at what you feel is missing in the world. Stop waiting for someone else to fill in those blanks. That’s what you came for! I believe that we carry the blueprint for the place where we fit in within us. Why would we feel like there are things missing in this world if not to take on the task of filling in those missing pieces?
That was one of my biggest misunderstandings ever since I left the beaten path (school, university) and tried to find my place in the world: I kept trying to fit in, trying to find a work place where I’d be happy. I was always trying to be that person that I thought was needed. I either couldn’t make that work or if I did, it left me exhausted. I was at times deeply unhappy because I felt like I didn’t recognize myself in the world. I stayed at work places that didn’t feel right because I couldn’t see myself being happy anywhere else, either. I thought I was too picky, unwilling and/or unable to adjust. Until the thought occurred to me that maybe I wasn’t here to have someone else assign me a spot. Maybe I should create my own space.
This idea both fills me with relief and it terrifies me. I do not come from a line of entrepreneurs, I am used to doing as I am told. While that may have worked in school and at university, I find that it does not work anywhere else. At the end of the day, you eat the proverbial elephant one bite at a time. I believe that the way to start is by following happiness to see where it leads us. Since what makes us happy is highly personal and individual, that means entering uncharted territory. There may not even be a destination that is defined from the beginning of our exploration. However, there are those who are doing it already. Whenever we lose faith in our mission, we can turn to those pioneers of happiness. Not to do as they do but to get the encouragement and inspiration we need to for our own journey.
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More on abundance
I am still thinking a lot about the whole abundance thing. No matter what angle I look at it from, and no matter in what form or what area of my life I experience it, I always come to one conclusion: it’s everything. It’s the key to everything and anything we desire in life. It’s the one thing we should be putting all our energy into, the only thing we really can do to make sure all our dreams will come true: see to it that our mind is in a state of abundance. The rest will follow.
I had this realization for the first time a few weeks ago, when I saw an interview with online business coach and entrepreneur Mara Stix. As I understood her, the further up she got in her pursuit of financial success, the less her personal wealth concerned her. Once she had arrived at a level of income that afforded her the standard of living that she wanted, there was nothing that even more money could have contributed to that area of her life. Instead other things became a focus of interest, like how to expand her business, and how to manifest more and bigger things she would like to see in the world.
Last fall I had a vision of something I should build. It was as if the idea rained down on me after I had emptied my mind. While I was completely aware of the magnitude of that project, I was also overcome by a certainty that my mind wasn’t just making this up. I just knew that I had conceived this idea because it wanted to be manifested by someone. And If that idea saw me fit to be that someone, then it would also see to it that the means for its manifestation would be provided, regardless of whether or not I could see how at that point. I could not see anything at all about how to get there.
Since then, I have mostly practiced to let the idea go, to be open to any signs without trying to force things. I didn’t want to feel like I was just waiting for the right time to manifest this project. Therefore I have been focusing on being happy, doing whatever makes me happy. At the end of the day that’s what determines what kind of life I have. For the most part, that worked well, but there were definitely some days where I did wonder what anything I was doing had to do with that vision, if I hadn’t missed the exit and was headed in the wrong direction after all.
When I watched that interview with Mara Stix, it was like a switch was flicked. Suddenly I understood that I had been doing exactly the right thing, and why my personal happiness was essential to the whole project. Because how are you going to manifest something big and joyful, that requires a large amount of resources (both when it comes to material and labor) if not out of a sense of abundance?!
We need to be in a state of abundance on the personal plane before we can help abundance to manifest elsewhere. There is no other way. Actively inviting (and permitting!) abundance to flow into all areas of our life then is not just a mind-game, something fun to do, it is deeply meaningful.
For me this insight is very important when it comes to dealing with that voice that says it’s selfish to let your actions be ruled by what feels good, what seems like it would be fun. That you can’t have both – happiness and success, love and wealth. That voice may have served us and our ancestors in the past. Life was tough, we had to work hard in order to survive, pursuing our passion often came at a price. We know how to do that. And it is clearly still possible to live that way, if that is what we want. I see lots of people doing it, and I thought it was the way it had to be up until about a year ago.
When I look around, however, I see that times have changed. Something else is possible. We can rest in the certainty that our survival is secured. It’s time to find other life missions. Let’s start by following the signs happiness is putting up for us.
The interview with Mara Stix (in German) is part of a series of money mindset interviews by Linda Benninghoff (MyMoneyMind). They are available for free when you sign up for her newsletter.
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Here and now…ish
I am writing again. Journaling, letters, something that could turn into a novel – and here. All thanks to Julia Cameron’s The Right To Write – or thanks to my friend A., who lent me TRTW? Or thanks to the book launch of another friend that made me want to write again? Or maybe thanks to everyone and everything at once. Either way, I am grateful.
Where to pick up again after such a long absence? How about here and now…ish.
I’ve been baking – biscotti on Wednesday. 
We’re all set for the winter. 
Like I said: all set for the winter. 
We’ve rearranged the living room, I just haven’t made time to take pictures of all its glory yet. 
Oden is still awol. Freja is all the more snuggle-crazy – and we are all the more snuggle-crazy about her. 
I’ve been crocheting and knitting and loving it. 
More baking. This was yesterday. Orangey, marzipany, chocolatey yumminess. -
Life | Work in progress
The original purpose of this blog was to document and share my journey as a soul-searcher. I think the main reason I haven’t done that lately (apart from the fact that our internet situation is still kind of a non-situation and I haven’t felt like staying at the office just so that I can spend more time by the computer) is that some things are still too new and fragile to share yet. I need to manifest and live them before I can share them. Does that make sense?
But spiritual growth for me is nothing separate from physical growth, and I see our garden as a big part of what I want to accomplish in this life. So lately I have been thinking that I want to document that part more, even if it’s just to be able to see how things evolve from one year to the next.
Last year, our first, felt like a struggle. I was working full-time, and often felt too exhausted to want to o anything at all after work. We picked the heaviest, most clayey spot on our entire land to grow vegetables on, and nothing much grew besides potatoes. This year we’re only growing potatoes on it – and we dug out another bed (much better soil) where we grow other veggies.
We built a greenhouse last year, and the tomatoes and squash grew into a jungle. The cucumbers died, we watered them with cold water. I made tomato chutney and jam, and lots of squash cheesecake. At the end of the season I got hold of another (a „real“ greenhouse) through the Swedish equivalent to craigslist. The previous owners sold it for next to nothing because a storm had destroyed a lot of the glass. So this year we have two green-houses.
The tomatoes I pre-grew all died because I didn’t think to harden them before planting them into the green-house. Luckily, a much more experienced gardening-enthusiast down the street sold their excess tomato plants. That way I even got hold of a couple of exotic specimens they had brought home from a vacation. No suqash this year, I simply forgot to pre-grow it. Cucumbers, though, and melons!
We have been talking about chickens, too. Haven’t gotten further than getting books from the library, though. That’s one of the things that I like about gardening (besides lovely „free“, organic food): there will always be another chance, another spring, another summer, more time to grow.
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Crochet booties
I love the fact that I can turn this
All of these babies are thrifted – and all of them are 100% wool. Not a fan of synthetics. into this
Yay for colors. I got the idea from this book with crocheting/knitting/embroidery projects by Sanna Vatanen.
Oden and Freya are digging my booties, too.
That is one enthusiastic cat. 
Make that two.
