Voilà. Einrichten und Einleben, online dating, Dhuni.
Hi everyone, I hope you have had a good start into 2019. I feel like a little recap is in order (I know you know that I can’t keep things short but I will try). My last post on here was pictures and thoughts from the light festival at Amritabha in the beginning of June. That was the first time I came back to visit since my stay as a short term resident last year (that was in the beginning of my trip around the world that ended sooner than I had anticipated – I wrote about that here on the blog). In September I returned to Amritabha, this time for a little longer.
Boy, as I am writing this I am beginning to understand how much I have not been sharing on here, and how it seems kind of complicated to write about it – those of you who follow me on Instagram (@sarineturhede) may have noticed that I have been sharing a little more of my daily life in the stories. I am getting used to talking in front of the camera, and it feels like it may actually be easier to tell you the story of my past year. Why I ended the trip around the world (I can see now that I was being a little cryptic in the blog post), why I ended up in Stade, why I am back in Amritabha now although I still feel in my heart that Sweden is home …
It’s funny, re-opening the blog was what I needed to be able to share anything on any channel – and at the same time it’s also making me realize that I feel like trying something new, like vlogging. It feels so good to be writing here again but it also feels liberating to give myself permission to look at things differently, to consider other forms of expression.
If there is one thing I am understanding about myself better and better it’s that I love change, that I am best when I am free and open to approach things as if I were doing them for the first time.
The consistency is not the form of expression but the fact that I want to express myself, share my story, share my perspective, and to inspire you to express yourself, share your story.
That is the constant in my life, and whenever I have draught periods where I don’t do that, it’s probably because I was holding on to an idea of how I should be doing it, or what I should and should not be sharing. If I have learned anything is that I want to free myself from these constraints, I want to keep allowing myself to explore new media of expression, and also: I want to not take things so seriously that I feel like „Oh, but I can’t share this“/“I don’t want the world to see me like that“/“I need to be better at this before I can show anything“.
Sorry if this is a total rant and maybe this doesn’t make sense to you at all but when I have these phases where I don’t share, it’s like something in me bottles up and when I finally open up again, there is so much that wants out. And that’s ok. I think this is exactly the point: to give ourselves permission to show up and share what we have to bring to the table, whatever it is at that point.
Not everything is going to be our greatest work ever but the greatest work comes as much from inspired action as it does from being persistent, from keeping at it, from writing/painting/filming ourselves through all the other days.
I am aware that chances are there will be more days/phases in my life where I will want to take a break from sharing my story because I won’t feel like there’s a point. But I know that so far I have never regretted anything I have shared, and that I have often wished that I had continued even when I didn’t see the point.
Ok, this is getting super long, but I just want to get into why I took down Road to Walden and the decided to re-open it again (I don’t even know if any of you are wondering about that but I am telling you anyway :-D). I think it all really started when my blog – well: I – was getting more attention, during my time here at Amritabha.
Suddenly there was this possibility in the air that I would go into business for myself (which I did and which was the best decision of my life), and I think I started having this idea that my online presence should be more centered around my person, not some blog title that nobody really seemed to get anyway. Also it felt a little strange starting to mix business posts into this blog that up until then had been simply personal.
So I got the domain sarineturhede.com and started building a more business-focused website. I thought I would just share my personal story on Instagram and Facebook, and I guess I thought it would be a good way for me to practice writing shorter texts. Plus the fact that I was going through a pretty tough time after my return to Germany, where things felt very out of focus, and sometimes plain wrong. I simply had a hard time wanting to show myself to the world that way.
For a while I even thought I would make eBooks from my old blog posts as a symbol of self-appreciation, and then delete the blog completely and not share my personal story anymore at all. I can’t remember what exactly it was that made me change my mind but eventually I just realized that yes, I do believe in creating great content for my business site. I love giving practical tips on different technical issues. I love exploring all these great tools that are out there for us to share our message, and I am happy to help others discover them.
But I realized that I don’t work well when my focus is on this very straight-forward business-mindedness. Like, this idea that I need to produce something with that has to be of direct/obvious value to anyone. I think it was Agni who said
„Follow the money and you will lose your passion, follow your passion and money will follow you.“
That is so true for me and it really shows in my business. Whenever I step into that trap of thinking I need to approach things from a focus on money, that’s when things get really tough. And whenever I allow myself to do what I feel like (even or especially when I can’t immediately see how that could lead to any financial gain), money finds it’s way to me with so much ease.
It was when I started observing what inspires me, who I love to follow, that I understood what I really value. And yes, I am grateful for all the tutorials that are out there that have helped me figure out how to do tech stuff. But what really gets me excited is people sharing their stories and their passion. Like Yoga Girl. Like the Dervaes family. Like Kristie Wolfe. Like Laura Hollick. The person that has been the biggest inspiration over the past days has been Jonna Jinton (and yes, it probably has a lot to do with my longing for Sweden that I think will not end until I move back there).
It became so obvious to me that I would never be happy with just a business site, and just sharing business related content. After all, the way I work, my life and my work are very connected. At a former work place I learned that „people buy from people“. And that is so true! It never takes long for me to recognize myself in the peron who is hiring me for a photo gig. There are a bunch of great photographers out there – so obviously there has to be a reason why anyone would choose me in particular.
We are drawn to kindred spirits. And what a great way to recognize one another through our stories.
This is maybe a paradox but as much as I love how business is personal for me these days, and the lines do get very blurry, it still felt right to re-open Road to Walden instead of just deciding to share personal stories on my business website. Actually, no, I do think it makes a lot of sense even from a business perspective. Because I do want to share my story with you regardless of whether you are interested in working with me. I don’t want my story to be some sort of „gimmick“ that is part of a marketing strategy. I want it to be free. I want us to be connected in freedom. It’s the deepest kind of connection.
Looking forward to breathing life back into this space, and to re-connect with you.
EN – So this was Christmas. We spent Christmas morning in the tree house, drinking coffee, eating saffrons buns and exchanging gifts of course. Later that day we went to Jason’s parents for a fun and yummy Christmas dinner.
DE – Das war also Weihnachten. Wir verbrachten den Vormittag (also am 25.) im Baumhaus, mit Kaffee, Safransgebäck und natürlich Geschenkeauspacken. Danach ging’s zu einem sehr leckeren und entspannten Weihnachtsessen bei Jasons Eltern.
SV – Det var alltså Jul. Vi tillbringade morgonen (den 25 dvs) i trädkojan, med kaffe saffransbullar och julklapparna så klart. Senare den dagen åkte vi till Jasons föräldrar som höll i en väldigt trevlig Julmiddag.
Auf deutsch? Bitte nach unten scrollen.
EN – Here is a little behind the scenes from the photo session with spiritual hairdresser Shakandra Weinberg and model Gaelle. I always feel that every photo session is my favorite and my best. And so I do about this one. Some might say despite the fact that the day of the photo session got off to a rocky start.
I say: that was exactly what we needed to get into the flow. Shakandra and I had turned into real idea fountains during the week before the session, and we just kept coming up with so many great ideas. Although I realized that they were far too many to even try out in one day, I could feel how a certain plan had formed in my mind by Friday night. I thought I knew how I wanted to do things, what I wanted to see in the pictures.
Saturday morning, everything was flipped, for a moment it looked like we might not even be able to do this photo session that day at all. And I instantly knew that this was exactly what we needed – to not be able to stick to the plan. I have gotten to know myself well enough by now that I know that my head likes to make plans but that I really work best when I don’t even have the option of following my head. That’s when I am most open to my intuition, and able to create and follow flow. As a photographer but in life in general, really. So when I heard that we might not be able to go ahead as scheduled, ideas immediately started coming to me of how we could use the time instead (like I said: we’d had far too many ideas for one day). I started setting up for something different – and suddenly we were able to proceed.
I could feel how the three of us – Shakandra, Gaelle, and I – each got into our flow, and how that created something much bigger and better than any plan ever could have. This is not to say that forming a plan was redundant. I actually saw quite a lot of the pictures turn out the way I had imagined them. They just came about naturally. So I am by all means pro prepping. And then letting go.
DE – Hier ein kleiner Blick hinter die Kulissen der Fotosession mit der spirituellen Friseurin Shakandra Weinberg. Ich habe immer das Gefühl, dass jede Fotosession meine liebste und beste ist. So auch diesmal. Manche würden sagen, obwohl der Tag einen holprigen Start hatte.
Ich sage: Das war genau das, was wir brauchten, um in den Fluss zu kommen. Shakandra und ich waren in der Woche vor der Sitzung zu echten Ideenfontänen geworden, uns kamen immer mehr und tollere Ideen. Obwohl ich merkte, dass es viel zu viele waren, um es an einem Tag auszuprobieren, spürte ich, wie sich bis Freitagabend ein bestimmter Plan in meinem Kopf gebildet hatte. Ich dachte, ich wüsste, wie ich Dinge machen wollte, was ich auf den Bildern sehen wollte.
Samstag Morgen kam alles anders, für einen Moment sah es so aus, als könnten wir diese Fotosession an diesem Tag überhaupt nicht machen. Und ich wusste sofort, dass dies genau das ist, was wir brauchten – um nicht im Plan verhaften zu bleiben. Ich habe mich mittlerweile gut genug kennengelernt, dass ich weiß, dass mein Kopf gerne plant, dass ich aber am besten arbeite, wenn ich nicht einmal die Möglichkeit habe, meinem Kopf zu folgen. Dann bin ich ganz für meine Intuition offen und in der Lage, Flow zu erzeugen und ihm zu folgen. Als Fotografin, aber im Leben überhaupt. Als ich hörte, dass wir vielleicht nicht wie geplant loslegen würden, kamen mir sofort andere Ideen, wie wir die Zeit stattdessen nutzen könnten (wie gesagt: wir hatten sowieso viel zu viele Ideen für einen Tag). Ich begann mich auf etwas anderes einzustellen – und plötzlich konnten wir anfangen.
Ich konnte fühlen, wie wir drei – Shakandra, Model Gaelle und ich – in unseren Flow kamen, und wie das etwas viel Größeres und Besseres hervorbrachte, als irgendein Plan je hätte erzeugen können. Das soll nicht heißen, dass ich das Planen für überflüssig halte. Ich habe tatsächlich festgestellt, dass viele der Bilder genau so aussehen, wie ich sie mir vorgestellt hatte. Sie sind einfach auf natürliche Weise entstanden. Also ich bin auf jeden Fall pro Planung. Planen und dann loslassen – dann wird’s wunderschön.
EN – This is what it looks like at Frida’s & Jason’s. Frida is a friend I met when I lived in Sundsvall, Sweden. We worked together for two summers, then she went to travel and work in New Zealand, and then she didn’t come back. I can kinda see why.
DE – So sieht es hier bei Frida und Jason in Hastings aus. Frida ist eine Freundin, die ich in Sundsvall kennen gelernt habe. Wir haben zwei Sommer lang zusammen gearbeitet, dann ist sie mit einem Travel and Work Visum nach Neu Seeland gegangen – und dann kam sie einfach nicht zurück. Kann’s irgendwie verstehen.
SE – Såhär ser det ut hos Frida och Jason. Frida är en väninna jag träffade i Sundsvall. Vi jobbade ihop under två somrar, sedan åkte hon till Nya Seland för travel and work, och sedan kom hon helt enkelt inte tillbaka. Jag kan liksom förstå henne.
DE – Bin seit einer Woche in Sheffield auf Tasmanien (oder „Tassie“, wie die Einheimischen sagen). Ich wohne bei dem Bruder meiner Freundin Lisa und seiner Familie. Es ist ein schönes Gefühl, von Menschen, die ich eigentlich gar nicht kenne (wir haben vor meiner Ankunft einmal kurz geskyped), so herzlich aufgenommen zu werden. Danke Em & Jan! Und so sieht’s hier aus.
EN – I’ve been in Sheffield, Tasmania (or „Tassie“, as its called by the locals) for a week now. Staying with my friend Lisa’s brother and his family. It’s a wonderful feeling, being welcomed so warmly into the homes and lives of people even though we didn’t know each other (we skyped once briefly before I came here). Thanks Em & Jan! And this is what it looks like.
DE – Gestern haben meine Kristallheilerlehrerin Dauri & ihr Bernard geheirtatet. So schön waren die beiden. <3 Von Herzen alles Gute zu Eurer Hochzeit und für Euer weiteres gemeinsames Leben.
EN – Yesterday my crytsal healer teacher Dauri and her Bernard got married. Such a beautiful couple! <3 Wishing you all things light and lovely for your new life as married couple.
There has been a lot going on in my life lately. Internally as well as externally. Something has been put into motion, a lot of wonderful, happy things have come my way. Along with them came old fears. The fear that that happiness could be taken away from me again at any point, for example. The fear that this kind of happiness, the effortlessness of it all, cannot be real. I sometimes have a hard time talking about what’s happening to me when I’m still in the middle of it. Partly because I am reluctant to show myself being „undone“, partly because I simply lack the clarity to express what’s going on. Sill I want to share with you whatever it is I am capable of expressing. So here’s „the facts“ of what’s been going on lately:
1. I did Sina Nanasi’s Inner Child workshop. It’s been two weeks and I still haven’t written much about it since I keep thinking „I need a quiet minute to do this“. Thing is, there’s really never a quiet minute around here, there’s always something going on. I guess I’m just going to have to make time one of these days. This much I can tell you right now: My mind is completely blown, and I am crazy in love. With myself, with Sina Nanasi. With everyone and everything. Pretty much all the time. Except for when everything sucks all of a sudden. The spiritual term for that is „being in the middle of a process“. Or having issues. Apparently it’s a part of this life on earth. Anyways.
2.As I was saying: never a dull moment around here. After the workshop, which lasted six days, there was the meet-up week of Fe San’s students. I knew I was going to be involved (I got to help redo the unicorn power place) but I could not have imagined the extent. I met lots of wonderful people, and I felt like I fit right in with the group. I also had the pleasure of taking lots of pretty pictures of both the lovely students and their/our activities.
3.Speaking of pictures: I’ve had the honor and joy of being requested for three photo shootings these past weeks!? Photography has totally been a „just for fun“ thing for me, so this was completely unexpected but still very welcomed. Writing is fun, too, but I think I have accumulated so many expectations and ambitions in that area, that sometimes it’s hard to keep that effortlessness that you have when you are new to something. I was very much into the filming classes I took at Midsweden University and Ung Film in Sundsvall, Sweden, which both helped me understand a few things about what works and what doesn’t in photography. Still I never considered this as an option for me, career-wise. So it’s like I said: sheer fun. Perfect proof that this is what life is about: when I am doing things for the fun of it, I do them pretty well, and it’s that joy that speaks to others.
4. I realized that there is plenty of space for several great loves in my life. I don’t nee to choose between photography OR writing. Writing is here to stay, of course! I’ve scored some freelance work there, too. It’s just starting, and I am super excited about the project!
All of this is new to me, and at the same time it’s a very liberating „I knew it!“. It’s new to deliberately express the things I have been feeling withing for a long time (for ever?). It challenges me from time to time. It makes me face practical questions on freelance work in general, which I have been reluctant to pursue because it seemed daunting (yet I’ve had this feeling I might not be among those who are happy with the classic 9-5 employee situation).
The biggest challenge which this living joy thing is that it is facing me with my doubt whether this really is possible. This doubt shows up in the form of fear that I might get so caught up in these moments of joy that I forget „Something Really Important“ – and that I’ll get in trouble for that. Hasn’t happened yet (well, I have spaced stuff, but not „Something Really Important“ yet, and I haven’t gotten into trouble for it, either).
Doubt also shows up when it comes to the money part. Suddenly I am becoming aware that I have this funny notion that I couldn’t possibly ask money for something I enjoy doing so much!? Let alone from people whom I like so much!? There’s that part of me that finds this outrageously brazen. Sure, since working with something I don’t really enjoy, with people I don’t care for all that much, is such a wonderful alternative. Not.
I am happy to welcome all these processes, issues and this doubt into my life. They are part of the package if you choose the good stuff. And I wouldn’t want to miss out on that! There is no security, there is only this false sense of „security“. I’d rather experience life with everything it involves than avoid it. One of my insights from the inner child workshop.
DE – Jetzt bin ich seit 13 Tagen hier in Amritabha. Zeit für ein paar Bilder.
EN – I have been here at Amritabha for 13 days now. Time to show some pictures.
Mein Zimmer. Sai Baba lässt grüßen. | My room. Sai Baba says hello.
DE – Meine Steine sind natürlich mit dabei. Und die göttliche Mutter. Die mag gerne Rosen. Wie ich. | EN – My rocks are with me, of course. And the Divine Mother. She likes roses. Just like me.
DE – Ein Abschiedsgeschenk. Überreicht mit dem Wunsch, dass er mich dabei unterstützen möge, in meinen Fluss zurück zu kommen. Schöner Wunsch, danke Regina! | EN – A farewell gift. It was accompanied by the wish that it might help me get back into the flow of my life. A very good wish, thank you Regina!
DE – Die Annahme meines Seelenamens hat mich bereits in dieser kurzen Zeit auf vielerlei Weise inspiriert. Unter anderem dazu, meine Liebe zu Blumen mehr zu leben, und mich nicht von dem Gedanken abschrecken zu lassen, tausend andere seien viel geschickter im Umgang mit ihnen als ich. Selbst wenn es sie gibt: Die tausend anderen sind nicht hier, ich bin es. Und wenn ich meine Fotos der letzten Jahre ansehe, dann wird mir klar, dass diese Blumenliebe auch die ganze Zeit da war.
EN – Accepting my soul name has inspired me already. Among other things it has encouraged me to live my love for flowers more, and to not be dissuaded by the thought that there are thousands out there who are better at taking care of them than me. Even if they exist: those thousands of others are not here, I am. And when I’m looking back at my pictures of these past years, it is so obvious that this love for flowers has always been there, too.
DE – Wie gesagt, ich habe mich inspiriert gefühlt. U. a. dazu, auch die Duschen und Toiletten hier im Stockwerk ein bisschen zu schmücken.
EN – Like I said, I felt inspired. To flower up the showers and bathrooms up here, for instance.
DE – Die Aussicht braucht nicht viele Worte zur Beschreibung. „Wow“ genügt.
EN – Not much need for words when it comes to the view. „Wow“ says it all.
DE – Die Terrasse, von der aus man den herrlichen Ausblick genießen kann.
EN – The sundeck from which one can enjoy the magnificent view.
DE – Ein Stockwerk tiefer. | EN – Downstairs.
DE – Ein paar Bilder vom Haus. | EN – A few shots of the house.
DE – Buddha und der Platz für die Dhuni-Zeremonie.
EN – Buddha and the Dhuni place.
DE – Wer das Grundstück betritt, wird von Ganesha begrüßt. Hier ist auch der Kräutergarten. Etwas weiter unten liegt der Tempel der göttlichen Mutter. Für mich ist der Baum, der da so für sich mitten in der Landschaft steht, einer der schönsten Anblicke in der Landschaft.
EN – Whoever is entering the property is greeted by Ganesha. The herb garden is right across. A little further down lies the temple of the Divine Mother. My favorite view is the tree standing there in the middle of the fields all by itself.
DE – Der Tempel der göttlichen Mutter.
EN – The temple of the Divine Mother.
This is what the inscription on the temple says:
„The Divine Mother
I am the all-encompassing love
The embrace that comforts you
The nourishment that vitalizes you
The joy that fills you
The devotion that releases you
The healing that uplifts you to wholeness
The truth that guides you
I am the light and the dark
Creator and creation
I am life
Carry me in your heart
and be free“
DE – Hinterm Haus geht es auch noch weiter. Mit Kirschen und Johannisbeeren, sowie mit weiteren Kraftplätzen. Fortsetzung folgt.
EN – The property continues behind the house. We’ve got cherry trees, black currant, and more power places. To be continued.
ENGLISH – A little recap in pictures of the month that just swooshed by. I spent most of it with my friend’s La and C. in Tollered, Sweden outside Gothenburg. Summer in Sweden is really something, and we were blessed with sunshine galore. The wedding of La and C. made this particular May extra special, of course.
DEUTSCH – Eine kleine Zusammenfassung des Monats, der einfach nur so vorbei gerauscht ist. Ich habe die meiste Zeit mit meinen Freunden La und C. in Tollered verbracht, einem kleinen Ort bei Göteborg. Sommer in Schweden ist wirklich etwas besonderes und wir wurden reichlich mit Sonnenschein gesegnet. Die Hochzeit von La und C. hat diesen Mai natürlich noch besondererererer gemacht.
ENGLISH – The day after the wedding I took the train to Hamburg. It was my friend Conny’s birthday on Monday, and since we’ve been living so far apart for the past years, I really wanted to be with her on her special day. And yes, those are cinnamon buns, but no, I can’t claim any credit for them.
DEUTSCH – Am Tag nach der Hochzeit ging es weiter nach Hamburg. Connys Geburtstag war ja am Montag und weil wir die letzten Jahre so weit voneinander entfernt gelebt haben, war es mir diesmal wichtig endlich mal wieder an ihrem Ehrentag dabei zu sein. Und ja, das sind Zimtschnecken, aber nein, ich kann mich leider nicht mit diesem Federn schmücken.
ENGLISH – Next I returned to my grandpa’s house once more. Unpacking and repacking. And enjoying the flowers in the garden!
DEUTSCH – Als nächstes bin ich noch einmal zum Haus von Opa zurück gekehrt. Um aus- und umzupacken. Und die Blumen im Garten zu genießen!
ENGLISH – Now I’m with my friend Lena. She has a light and lofty apartment, great taste and is very artistic. She lives in Bockenheim, and I really like the neighborhood with it’s cafés and little shops, a lot of them in pretty little courtyards. Lena once said to me that Frankfurt may not be the number one tourist attraction among the German cities but it’s a great place to live. That’s a pretty good description, imho.
DEUTSCH – Jetzt bin ich bei Lena. Sie hat eine tolle helle Wohnung mit hohen Decken, sehr guten Geschmack und eine künstlerische Ader. Sie lebt in Bockenheim und mir gefällt es hier sehr, mit den vielen kleinen Cafés und Lädchen, viele von ihnen in hübschen Hinterhöfen. Lena sagte mal zu mir, dass sie Frankfurt nicht zur Touristenattraktion Nummer Eins unter den deutschen Städten benennen würde, aber dass es zum Leben sehr schön ist. Das trifft’s ganz gut, finde ich.
PalmenGarten Frankfurt, Germany
ENGLISH – When I was little my parents would take my sister and me to the PalmenGarten sometimes. Can’t say that I have any special memories of it (I was a real homebody as a kid, I probably would have spent all my time in front of the tv if I had been allowed), but when I realized that it was only a ten minute walk from Lena’s place, I decided to go. I’m glad I did because I have become more of on outdoorsy person over the past years (it’s hard not to become one when you live in Sweden). As much as I love big cities and the liveliness in the streets, I feel like I need to see a little green every once in a while.
DEUTSCH – Als ich klein war machten meine Eltern manchmal Ausflüge zum PalmenGarten mit meiner Schwester und mir. Kann zwar nicht behaupten, davon besondere Erinnerungen zu haben (ich war echt ein Stubenhocker, hätte am liebsten meine Zeit vor dem Fernseher verbracht, wenn man mich gelassen hätte …), aber als ich entdeckte, dass er nur etwas zehn Gehminuten von Lena entfernt war, entschied ich mich ihm einen Besuch abzustatten. Bin froh darum, denn ich bin inzwischen doch auch zu einem Draußi geworden (es ist vermutlich unmöglich ein Drinni zu bleiben, wenn man in Schweden lebt). So sehr ich große Städte mit ihren belebten Straßen mag, ab und zu muss ich dann doch mal ein bisschen grün sehen.
ENGLISH – On Friday I visited my friend Line. It was about time: I finally got to see her baby, meet her fella, and see their apartment for the first time. Since the weather was great, and Line is a woman with a plan, this half-day was a mini vacation in itself: we walked down to the harbor, ate asparagus, took a boat down the river, got some ice cream, walked back, did some barbecuing on the balcony.
DEUTSCH – Am freitag habe ich endlich mal Line besucht. War auch höchste Zeit: habe zum ersten Mal ihre beiden Männer getroffen und ihre Wohnung gesehen. Da das Wetter weiterhin großartig war und Line eine Frau mit Plan ist, war dieser Nachmittag sowas wie ein Mini-Urlaub: Spaziergang zum Hafen, Spargel am Wasser, Bötchenfahren, Eisessen, Spazierganz zurück, Grillen auf dem Balkon.